The devil of necessity

I am not a saint. I never was actually, though I have tried countless times before. I must admit I have mellowed down. Constant pounding of hard choices, ruthless prioritising and heavy expectations on me has affected me. How I think, act and re-act ... all have toned down to a point where I do not see my previous self anymore. Some call this growing up. Some call it maturing.. I say.. whatever... like i have choice like that. Gone were the days where I reacted with force, vulgarities and a clenched fist ( to think of it i can only recall 5 events in school and 2 in NS).

I found myself standing infront of the mirror and telling myself " Look, you are 26, you are a teacher, becarefull how you carry yourself, anything you do can jeopadise yourself and those around you." Reminding myself of unnecessary repurcussions and conditioning myself to turn innert.

But today i realised that there are some things that strike me on a nerve level. Issues that propell me into actions without any thinking at all. I realised that any issue that undermines my family or its name or potentially tarnishes its image and or integrity, cause me to lose my sense of rationality very easily. Chief amongst the Family... is the Mother. Any negative or undermining act/intention / remark against the Family ( and most importantly the Mother) will be met with very strong force even if its at the expense of my name or integrity..and i don't give a flying f*** where i am when i deliver and i really don't give a damn about those who become sushi in the process.

I so thank God that none of my friends had been implicated in such issues.. But just to round my thoughts off.. Any stranger who undermines my family will get it hard. Any friend who undermines my family will get it harder... And if its a family member...good luck...

I am not going to elaborate on what i did today.. i am not proud of it. really. But in retrospect. I will also admit that there is a very small possibility that i might have over-reacted slightly. But none the less the family was undermined.. so i reacted.. Now that i have cooled down, i believe that i owe some apologies... on second thought... i owe only one apology, to the vegetable who got slaughtered for a mutton briyani.