To: Dear God

Allah, I know not what is right and what is wrong.
For i am nothing but a puny human being.
I am neither wise nor strong,
and I am at a crossroad into which I wandered without seeing.

I have lost much sleep,
thinking and re-thinking...
of the repercussions should I fail, that's mine to keep.

I know now that tomorrow is not mine to control.
That its destiny ordained by you,
And in due time, it will unroll.

Forgive me for all that I have taken for granted.
My Family, friends and many more whom are unstated.
For when I was engulfed in my darkness,
You sent me rays of hope through their kindness.

Allah, I know not what is right or what is wrong.
And I have decided to go ahead with my degree.
Please be my guide and be my strength...
For none is beyond your decree.

Bless me in my attempt and should I fail,
give me strength to bear repercussions flail.

Please be my strength and my guide for i am neither wise nor strong,
and i know not what is right and what is wrong.

Yours sincerely and desperately,
Mohidin Shaniz Malik S/O Sajakan M. M. Musthafa

There is no Grey...today

Faith:

Is it strict adherence to a doctrine that is yet to be understood by the common man? Or is it the assimilation of HIS commands in true acceptance?

Family:

Is it subjugation, with Sentiments as its judge and jury? Or is it voluntary sacrifice, to endorse a smile that is not your own?

Friends:

Are they merely pit stops in the race called life? Or are they the stop to all the pits in the race called life?

When applause is due...

I am really not the arty farty kind. Neither am I the culture vulture sort who speaks with a strong and often phony accent. I don't fancy artistic past times such as theatre or musicals. Whatever play that I have attended, I did so in my bermudas and not in some suit. There was always a possibility of being denied access for under dressing, but what is life without uncertainties.. haha.

Anyway yeah, I happened to be at one of the most unlikely venues on Sunday, 17th August... The Arts House... and yeah in my bermudas as expected when Chandra and Durga were more ... shall i say that they had more clothes on them then myself... Chandra initiated a pseudo short film marathon at a ridiculous price of $5.00. I was there because I had 5 bucks to spare... other than that I hated short films.

When I first viewed them 10 years back, it failed to appeal to me in any bloody way. The short films were too abstract and too "artistic" for my taste. I felt that the filmmakers were desperately fitting into borrowed shoes and assimilating foreign artistry. Something that doesn't go down well with me. Its like an Ah Beng/ Mat/ Mama speaking in European accent. Furthermore the people whom i met, people associated with the Arts field, always were exclusive, as if they were above the common man. This just worsened the distaste i had for short films and the arts scene.


So, I leaned back into my seat, waiting to sleep soundly. But i couldn't. There was something different about the compilation of films. They had matured and over the years had found their own identity and best of all, they had vulgarities ( which makes it real). I was blown away actually. By the second short film, i already had my money's worth and it was only getting better.

There were 16 shortfilms all together. Though all of them had substance and quality, these were my favourites.

My Blue Heaven / Director : Yee Wei Chai
[ A coming of age dark comedy, about a little boy who lives with his abusive father, and how a fateful afternoon of watching his father's porn videotape, turns his life upside down]

Zo Gang / Director : Jacen Tan
[Filmmaker wannabe, Ah Tan, is sick of his day job. He discusses and pokes fun at local film and music , while plotting his path to become Singapore's next great director. A dark comedy about the difficulties of making a film in Singapore] ... this is really damn good.. and hilarious.

I really had a very good time at the short film screening and i am really impressed with how far the scene has come. I applaud the directors and all creative technicians and of course the actors for imbuing so much quality and "heartlanderness" into what once was a borrowed fad. I wish them all further success in their futures and i just want them to know that they have earned one more fan... me.

the small surprises in life..

I've been on a 5 days MC thanks to the extraction of my wisdom teeth. Everyone went like .."wah! 5 days ah, shiok ah!" . Please, there is a reason why i am given 5 days. Because i need that long to recover to a decent level. I had stitches in my gums that were sewed to my inner cheek. That tore everytime i yawned, smiled, coughed, sneezed or even opened my mouth. My diet was severely affected which in turn affected my energy level and aggravated my crankiness and lethargy.

I can't do any vigorous exercise as it makes me hungry and i can't eat any solid food.. let alone open my mouth, so you get the picture.. I have been cooped up for a week inside my home and i have been feeling miserable. Going nuts actually..

Watching TV didn't help either. All i saw was Beijing Olympics... Give me a break.. I am thankful to the friends who dropped by and i am very thankful to the darling manjan for keeping me company through all of my whims.

And i am very thankful to the totally unplanned trip to Mt Fab. Such wonderful company, crazy antics and extreme cuteness made up for a very dull and miserable week. From potentially haunted churches to abandoned mansions... it was a laugh riot spooking the other out. I actually felt sad saying bye to my company. damn... hahaha.

Now with Gods grace i can pack on the pounds that i lost over the week. But i must admit.. i realize that i have taken alot of things for granted.. this time it was the simple everyday food that i so often throw away or leave un-eaten.. There is a lesson to learn in every experience..

ok i am off to watch Man VS Wild 2.. ciaoz.

The devil of necessity

I am not a saint. I never was actually, though I have tried countless times before. I must admit I have mellowed down. Constant pounding of hard choices, ruthless prioritising and heavy expectations on me has affected me. How I think, act and re-act ... all have toned down to a point where I do not see my previous self anymore. Some call this growing up. Some call it maturing.. I say.. whatever... like i have choice like that. Gone were the days where I reacted with force, vulgarities and a clenched fist ( to think of it i can only recall 5 events in school and 2 in NS).

I found myself standing infront of the mirror and telling myself " Look, you are 26, you are a teacher, becarefull how you carry yourself, anything you do can jeopadise yourself and those around you." Reminding myself of unnecessary repurcussions and conditioning myself to turn innert.

But today i realised that there are some things that strike me on a nerve level. Issues that propell me into actions without any thinking at all. I realised that any issue that undermines my family or its name or potentially tarnishes its image and or integrity, cause me to lose my sense of rationality very easily. Chief amongst the Family... is the Mother. Any negative or undermining act/intention / remark against the Family ( and most importantly the Mother) will be met with very strong force even if its at the expense of my name or integrity..and i don't give a flying f*** where i am when i deliver and i really don't give a damn about those who become sushi in the process.

I so thank God that none of my friends had been implicated in such issues.. But just to round my thoughts off.. Any stranger who undermines my family will get it hard. Any friend who undermines my family will get it harder... And if its a family member...good luck...

I am not going to elaborate on what i did today.. i am not proud of it. really. But in retrospect. I will also admit that there is a very small possibility that i might have over-reacted slightly. But none the less the family was undermined.. so i reacted.. Now that i have cooled down, i believe that i owe some apologies... on second thought... i owe only one apology, to the vegetable who got slaughtered for a mutton briyani.

The Team mates.

The Triathlon Team mates. The impossible has happened... Chandra and Waseem agreed. Normally i would keep things low key till i managed to achieve them. But in this case i am announcing it to the world because when a word is given in public, you will be obliged to keep it. I can already see Chandra's enthusiasm to take part...

Faizul, bro, i know that you asked me to join up with you.. but considering that your knee is in shit condition, its best that you rest it out first... Live to die another day ok?

Nisa: I will meet up with you asap once my stitches are out.

Its Done

The wisdom teeth are finally out. Would love to elaborate more on my experiences but i am rather tired of staring at the screen. So in true Raascal tradition.. i leave you all my pictures...

A prayer before i go....

Dear God.

Please forgive me for all the sins i have committed. Knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly.

Please forgive my idiocy to willingly sit on the dentist chair.

Please give me the strength to bear with some stout chinese (assumingly) fella injecting my gums.

Please give me the "Rambo"ness to keep my mouth open in the midst of the excruciating pain.

Please prevent my pride from getting bruised. (I am not going to have my teeth anymore.. at least allow me to have my pride in tact)

Please let every iota of pain feel like........(ermmm nevermind)....... the relief of a much needed sneeze.

Please, if the world has to end one day... let it end before 2pm today .. not after..

Please cancell my previous order.. i love too many people here too much to see them die for my pain. Don't worry Priyanka Chopra, Anne Hathaway and Genelia, you all are safe.

Please save me!!!