Simple, unexpected surprises that put a smile on the face.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The Jungle in Concrete Jungle....
Considering the fact that we are living in a garden city, it's very frustrating to grow my plants in the concrete corridors. But it doesn't matter much since i also get my reprive from these plants.. so its a fair trade i guess...Anyway been waiting to reconstitute my garden to its rightful place in the corridor ever since i moved back to my house.
The only problem is that the plants didn't survive the constant shifting of houses. So i have to start all over again... from scratch. Here it goes.
So 
far managed to germinate green beans, corriander, chilli , Middle Eastern Dates and tomatoes. Also planted Ginger, Onions, Curry leaves.. and for visual aesthetics, African Violet, Money Plant, Roses and one more flowering plant which i can't remember. Then, there is also Heliconia and Hibiscus...
far managed to germinate green beans, corriander, chilli , Middle Eastern Dates and tomatoes. Also planted Ginger, Onions, Curry leaves.. and for visual aesthetics, African Violet, Money Plant, Roses and one more flowering plant which i can't remember. Then, there is also Heliconia and Hibiscus...The starting phase of the garden looked rather pathetic, all i saw was just pots filled with compost and dirt. It feels even more pathetic to water plantless pots. Trust me, the time taken to see the first leaves protrude from the soil can really drive you nuts and at times will make you doubt yourself and even the seeds.. will they ever grow or are they dead?
A good few weeks into the garden and my once barren pots now have small green hair thrusting itself out of the ground. Several weeks later.. things were nicer to look at.. i hope the pics i put up give a better picture.. Any way not planning to type anymore. Too lazy , just gonna line up some pictures of my garden ...
Have fun, have a good holiday, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Monday, December 17, 2007
When gloss precedes content...
It's an age old issue. Just like expectations it is ubiquitous. Unfortunately it is a mindset that is innate in everyone of us. Only difference is that it varies accordingly to the individuals taste. A condition that has been predominant in every aspect of our lives right from infancy.
The shiniest toys..the nicest looking presents..the sexiest babe... the hunkiest dudes.. the movies with the coolest actor/ress(s)... Everything explores the value of the surface packaging and not of the content inside. Judgements based on looks and nothing else.
The most common aspect that unites everyone is about people and their preset notions of what is beautiful and what is not. From how we want our partners/ spouse to look like to freaking racism. We all fall somewhere in between
The schooling days. From first love to first fight... somehow everything tethered on the packaging. Every guy would have had aspirations as to how he wanted his girlfriend to look like. I wanted mine to be fair ( didn't matter to me that i wasn't), pretty, just nicely tall enough to lean on my shoulders, slender with a lovely smile and smooth straight hair. I know fat hope. Fat it was. As i matured, my ridiculous expectations did as well. I realised that i had been in the foolish conception that fair was beautiful? Who has the right to determine that fair was beautiful? It's just a complexion, just like dark. We are all the same beneath our skin.
Through hard learned lessons, i added depth to my superficial notions of what is pretty and what is not. An angelic smile doesn't necessarily constitue an angel's heart. Neither does a foxy chick constitute to an easy going slut... a very valuable lesson that i paid a fortune to learn. I learnt that content matters more than its gloss.
Been labelled everything from "pariah" to "anjing hitam [black dog in malay]", being a minority was never easy. I am an Indian. I have brown skin, not black you bloody idiots. Even if it was black, i still would be equally proud of it. Nope, my skin does not carry any communicable disease nor does my hands exude black dirt when i touch anything. I have hair on my hands not tentacles that inject AIDS when you accidently rub against me. From being the target during soccer practice to being a moving punching bag.. Why? why this uncivilised notion based on my appearence? How does me being brown threaten their existence? I thought all these stupidity ended as of secondary school. But what happened today in the trains proved to be a gruesome reminder of the filth that still exists in our society.
Give up your seats to the eldery and the needy they say. I gave up mine today to an old woman and i felt like slapping myself for being too helpful. I got up and offered my seat in the crowded train. Reluctantly she proceeded to the seat, took out a tissue paper and started wiping the seat and commented on me to the neighbouring passenger. Then she decided not to take the seat and neither allow her grandson[assumingly] to sit on it and instead puts her bags on the seat.
Another crowded train scene. I was standing by the door.. Cabin was brimming with people, compacted like sardines. A woman and her son jammed in just moments before the door closed. I could already sense that the woman was not comfortable but dimissed it thinking that it could be due to the crowd. What i saw in the reflections on the glass panel literally shocked me. I knew that she was tugging the child towards her but i thought that it was due to her consideration of other people and that she didn't want her son to knock into others. On the reflections, she was signalling her son to be careful not to knock into me and followed it up with commenting by rubbing on the skin and then pinching her nose. Should have seen the shocked look on her face when she realised that i was looking at her. I just saw racism being passed on from one generation to another. I felt a surge of emotions but decided not to do anything especially infront of the child. For whatever i retaliate, it will only be conclusive for the child of the impressions stacked on me by the mother.
In this day and age... where Indian with a Chinese couples are a very common sight, where Malays with Caucasians are an upcoming sight...where cute EurASIAN babies are abound everywhere.... why nurture racism? Like Russel Peters once said... " the world is one day going to be Cream .....". Then why the social demarcations based on the skin?
The shiniest toys..the nicest looking presents..the sexiest babe... the hunkiest dudes.. the movies with the coolest actor/ress(s)... Everything explores the value of the surface packaging and not of the content inside. Judgements based on looks and nothing else.
The most common aspect that unites everyone is about people and their preset notions of what is beautiful and what is not. From how we want our partners/ spouse to look like to freaking racism. We all fall somewhere in between
The schooling days. From first love to first fight... somehow everything tethered on the packaging. Every guy would have had aspirations as to how he wanted his girlfriend to look like. I wanted mine to be fair ( didn't matter to me that i wasn't), pretty, just nicely tall enough to lean on my shoulders, slender with a lovely smile and smooth straight hair. I know fat hope. Fat it was. As i matured, my ridiculous expectations did as well. I realised that i had been in the foolish conception that fair was beautiful? Who has the right to determine that fair was beautiful? It's just a complexion, just like dark. We are all the same beneath our skin.
Through hard learned lessons, i added depth to my superficial notions of what is pretty and what is not. An angelic smile doesn't necessarily constitue an angel's heart. Neither does a foxy chick constitute to an easy going slut... a very valuable lesson that i paid a fortune to learn. I learnt that content matters more than its gloss.
Been labelled everything from "pariah" to "anjing hitam [black dog in malay]", being a minority was never easy. I am an Indian. I have brown skin, not black you bloody idiots. Even if it was black, i still would be equally proud of it. Nope, my skin does not carry any communicable disease nor does my hands exude black dirt when i touch anything. I have hair on my hands not tentacles that inject AIDS when you accidently rub against me. From being the target during soccer practice to being a moving punching bag.. Why? why this uncivilised notion based on my appearence? How does me being brown threaten their existence? I thought all these stupidity ended as of secondary school. But what happened today in the trains proved to be a gruesome reminder of the filth that still exists in our society.
Give up your seats to the eldery and the needy they say. I gave up mine today to an old woman and i felt like slapping myself for being too helpful. I got up and offered my seat in the crowded train. Reluctantly she proceeded to the seat, took out a tissue paper and started wiping the seat and commented on me to the neighbouring passenger. Then she decided not to take the seat and neither allow her grandson[assumingly] to sit on it and instead puts her bags on the seat.
Another crowded train scene. I was standing by the door.. Cabin was brimming with people, compacted like sardines. A woman and her son jammed in just moments before the door closed. I could already sense that the woman was not comfortable but dimissed it thinking that it could be due to the crowd. What i saw in the reflections on the glass panel literally shocked me. I knew that she was tugging the child towards her but i thought that it was due to her consideration of other people and that she didn't want her son to knock into others. On the reflections, she was signalling her son to be careful not to knock into me and followed it up with commenting by rubbing on the skin and then pinching her nose. Should have seen the shocked look on her face when she realised that i was looking at her. I just saw racism being passed on from one generation to another. I felt a surge of emotions but decided not to do anything especially infront of the child. For whatever i retaliate, it will only be conclusive for the child of the impressions stacked on me by the mother.
In this day and age... where Indian with a Chinese couples are a very common sight, where Malays with Caucasians are an upcoming sight...where cute EurASIAN babies are abound everywhere.... why nurture racism? Like Russel Peters once said... " the world is one day going to be Cream .....". Then why the social demarcations based on the skin?
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Of expectations...[ from a socially dependent perspective]
Expectations... it's ubiquitous and exists in myriad forms. It's infused in everyone's lives. Its difficult to acknowledge and impossible to avoid..
I have always encountered a fork in my road to individuality. Often times facing dilemma between being the perfect son /brother/ friend/ colleague and being simply me. I am just exhausted giving so much thought to making decisions from the mundane to the monumental. It is difficult to just be myself when i feel as if every decision i make paves my expressway to perdition.
Just be yourself. Live for yourself. You only have one life. Live happy and die happy[ sounds like a corny Chinese movie] . It's your life. I have had heard enough of these and people's every other twisted rendition of Bon Jovi. To you all out there, cut the crap with me.
I have to a certain extent, managed to live by my own terms and be ignorant of societies expectations. Sadly, you can only paddle so much when you are in choppy waters before simply succumbing to the currents. Funny thing is i tend to rebel again after catching a breather in the name of surrender.
I wanted to play computer games, instead i was expected to build websites. I wanted to pursue College, instead i was expected to pursue Polytechnic. I wanted to parachute off from a plane with my friends, instead i am expected to head on down to the coffeeshop by the rubbishchute with my friends. I wanted to scuba dive, instead i am expected to buy a bath tub and a rubber duckie. The list will go on forever. The irritating thing however is that i will not be denied in my face.. its always a subtle and diplomatic procedure.. Often times the situation is such that i would be the non understanding and selfish party in the negotiations.
" I will not forbid you from jumping off the plane if thats what that matters more to you than us"... How la like this...
Imagine you got an opportunity to do something that you always wanted, and your partner/loved ones is/are like " i dun like it.... if you really want to go then its really up to you". How is one to achieve what he/she sets out to do when he/she does not have the encouragement and blessings of his/her loved ones... Even if i decide to go solo on my mission, the guilt of hurting my loved ones to achieve something that i like, doesn't go easy on me.
I am not saying that my achievements and aspirations are dictated by others around me totally. In fact i can post a longer entry when i view these issues from an individualistic perspective. Neither am i saying that all that i am is what society has made out of me...i am merely saying that expectation is like the wind that acts as the resistance when we are trying to break the land speed record..
I have always encountered a fork in my road to individuality. Often times facing dilemma between being the perfect son /brother/ friend/ colleague and being simply me. I am just exhausted giving so much thought to making decisions from the mundane to the monumental. It is difficult to just be myself when i feel as if every decision i make paves my expressway to perdition.
Just be yourself. Live for yourself. You only have one life. Live happy and die happy[ sounds like a corny Chinese movie] . It's your life. I have had heard enough of these and people's every other twisted rendition of Bon Jovi. To you all out there, cut the crap with me.
I have to a certain extent, managed to live by my own terms and be ignorant of societies expectations. Sadly, you can only paddle so much when you are in choppy waters before simply succumbing to the currents. Funny thing is i tend to rebel again after catching a breather in the name of surrender.
I wanted to play computer games, instead i was expected to build websites. I wanted to pursue College, instead i was expected to pursue Polytechnic. I wanted to parachute off from a plane with my friends, instead i am expected to head on down to the coffeeshop by the rubbishchute with my friends. I wanted to scuba dive, instead i am expected to buy a bath tub and a rubber duckie. The list will go on forever. The irritating thing however is that i will not be denied in my face.. its always a subtle and diplomatic procedure.. Often times the situation is such that i would be the non understanding and selfish party in the negotiations.
" I will not forbid you from jumping off the plane if thats what that matters more to you than us"... How la like this...
Imagine you got an opportunity to do something that you always wanted, and your partner/loved ones is/are like " i dun like it.... if you really want to go then its really up to you". How is one to achieve what he/she sets out to do when he/she does not have the encouragement and blessings of his/her loved ones... Even if i decide to go solo on my mission, the guilt of hurting my loved ones to achieve something that i like, doesn't go easy on me.
I am not saying that my achievements and aspirations are dictated by others around me totally. In fact i can post a longer entry when i view these issues from an individualistic perspective. Neither am i saying that all that i am is what society has made out of me...i am merely saying that expectation is like the wind that acts as the resistance when we are trying to break the land speed record..
Friday, December 14, 2007
Forgive, maybe.. Forget, sorry...
Went to bed with high hopes that i might finally surrender to fatigue and the soporific outcomes of a hearty dinner. Guess i was wrong. Throbbing behind my eyeballs and the relentless tossing and turnings wouldn't let me.. Imprecating my conditions didn't do me any good either. So i did what i always do best...
Decmeber 14.. Memories were flooding back uncontrollably, as vivid as yesterday even a year later..
Forgive and forget they say... when its just easier to hate her..
I will forgive for its only human for him/her to err ... but i will not forget for putting these issues behind me will not protect me from recurrences in the future.
I will forgive to let him/her know that i hold no grudges... but i will not forget for i will make references to this event if the argument calls for it.
Iwill forgive for it is divine .... but i will not forget for i am just a human....
Selfish? Immature? Really? I merely mentioned out what everyone does... even the most noble will practice what i mentioned to a certain degree. I will say that its impossible to forget for we are all experiential learners
How can one forget the day the partner called for a break off... Even if he or she was to come back in all promises and potentials... Whats the guarantee that, that which happened once would not happen again?
How does one forget the day that he or she found out that the spouse was cheating? You may be able to forgive... but will you ever forget?
How does the abused child forget the thrashing he/she got from his/her parents?
How does a rape victim forget the torment she endured? she may be able to forgive but forget? I doubt so.
How does one forget being burned by love for the first time?
Get my drift? So how is it possible to forget? Does simply not mentioning the incident constitute to forgetting? If thats the case, then we are all hypocrites who intend one thing and say something else. Simply put, just think of all the times you got hurt and almost instantaneously you will be able to remember every detail of what happened to you. Now, does the phrase forgive and forget hold any relevance ?
Decmeber 14.. Memories were flooding back uncontrollably, as vivid as yesterday even a year later..
Forgive and forget they say... when its just easier to hate her..
I will forgive for its only human for him/her to err ... but i will not forget for putting these issues behind me will not protect me from recurrences in the future.
I will forgive to let him/her know that i hold no grudges... but i will not forget for i will make references to this event if the argument calls for it.
Iwill forgive for it is divine .... but i will not forget for i am just a human....
Selfish? Immature? Really? I merely mentioned out what everyone does... even the most noble will practice what i mentioned to a certain degree. I will say that its impossible to forget for we are all experiential learners
How can one forget the day the partner called for a break off... Even if he or she was to come back in all promises and potentials... Whats the guarantee that, that which happened once would not happen again?
How does one forget the day that he or she found out that the spouse was cheating? You may be able to forgive... but will you ever forget?
How does the abused child forget the thrashing he/she got from his/her parents?
How does a rape victim forget the torment she endured? she may be able to forgive but forget? I doubt so.
How does one forget being burned by love for the first time?
Get my drift? So how is it possible to forget? Does simply not mentioning the incident constitute to forgetting? If thats the case, then we are all hypocrites who intend one thing and say something else. Simply put, just think of all the times you got hurt and almost instantaneously you will be able to remember every detail of what happened to you. Now, does the phrase forgive and forget hold any relevance ?
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Playlist's Top 6
Found myself relating to these songs, not sure why though. Its a strange and humbling feeling when some weird tune unlocks memories stored away in the deep crevices of your brain. Memories that you never wanted to face again. From nostalgia to nightmares. Whats in the note?
Thursday, December 06, 2007
MY Friend(MF) and Me.. [Part 1]
[The following entry comprises of snippets from various conversations with various friends. Conversations that makes me think about the kind of friends i have accumulated over the course of my life.. haha]
[In the bus ]
MF: Din, i just had an enlightenment.
Me: What is it?
MF: (with so much conviction) If pre-marital sex is evil, and evil is sin. Since sin is forgiven , so sex is in....
Me: How did you end up as my friend?
[30 mins after my friend arrived at Earls Swensen]
MF: Shaniz, i have been wanting to tell you something for quite some time now...
Me: What?
MF: Not sure if you noticed it but ever since i met you, i am unable to eat or even drink da......
Me: Why?
MF: I am broke.. so be a darling and foot what i am going to order.
[Near Ngee Ann cafeteria]
MF: ( while taking a puff) It feels so good to drag a puff.. makes me warm inside.
Me: Just get it done quickly , you're not to be smoking here...
MF: Relax will you... I don't even have to run if the warden chases me...
Me: Let's see.
MF: Dei. hold the stick for me while i tie my laces...
(at this point of time, the warden catches me and my friend is no where to be found.)
[while driving my friend to labrador park at 1 am]
Me: Aren't you even a bit scared that i might molest or rape you?
MF: Nah you won't. I trust you.
Me: Are you sure that you know me that well?
MF: It is a feeling..
Me : What feeling?
MF: Gutt feeling...
Me: Can't believe your stomach trusts me more than you do.
Me: Do you find me too pushy...
MF: nope. you are just a washy washy ( or is it wishy wishy? wushy wushy? wishy whushy? swishy sushi? can't remember what she said but apparently it is an accepted term in english.)
[During lunch in Ngee ann poly]
MF: i want to start up a internet porn site.
Me: there are already so much, how are you going to be noticed...
MF: Simple, use an established brand as endoresement.
Me: Which brand.....
MF: Aiyah... StarBucks la....
Me: Huh?
MF: StarBucks already has a seductive female in its logo.. all i have to do i is just change the "B" in starbucks to "F"...
Me:..........
[In the bus ]
MF: Din, i just had an enlightenment.
Me: What is it?
MF: (with so much conviction) If pre-marital sex is evil, and evil is sin. Since sin is forgiven , so sex is in....
Me: How did you end up as my friend?
[30 mins after my friend arrived at Earls Swensen]
MF: Shaniz, i have been wanting to tell you something for quite some time now...
Me: What?
MF: Not sure if you noticed it but ever since i met you, i am unable to eat or even drink da......
Me: Why?
MF: I am broke.. so be a darling and foot what i am going to order.
[Near Ngee Ann cafeteria]
MF: ( while taking a puff) It feels so good to drag a puff.. makes me warm inside.
Me: Just get it done quickly , you're not to be smoking here...
MF: Relax will you... I don't even have to run if the warden chases me...
Me: Let's see.
MF: Dei. hold the stick for me while i tie my laces...
(at this point of time, the warden catches me and my friend is no where to be found.)
[while driving my friend to labrador park at 1 am]
Me: Aren't you even a bit scared that i might molest or rape you?
MF: Nah you won't. I trust you.
Me: Are you sure that you know me that well?
MF: It is a feeling..
Me : What feeling?
MF: Gutt feeling...
Me: Can't believe your stomach trusts me more than you do.
Me: Do you find me too pushy...
MF: nope. you are just a washy washy ( or is it wishy wishy? wushy wushy? wishy whushy? swishy sushi? can't remember what she said but apparently it is an accepted term in english.)
[During lunch in Ngee ann poly]
MF: i want to start up a internet porn site.
Me: there are already so much, how are you going to be noticed...
MF: Simple, use an established brand as endoresement.
Me: Which brand.....
MF: Aiyah... StarBucks la....
Me: Huh?
MF: StarBucks already has a seductive female in its logo.. all i have to do i is just change the "B" in starbucks to "F"...
Me:..........
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Finisher of 42.195Km
What drives thousands of people to wake up at ungodly hours of the night and scramble down to the Esplanande just to subject themselves to hours of gruelling torture just to cover 42.195km?
A distance at this day and age, too ridiculous to even contemplate and furthermore to cover on foot. Then why? What is the need to pay them 55 dollars to for a placing in this torture? I can't answer that question for there were 40,000 reasons behind the 40,000 participants.. Some ran for the love of running, some for friendship, some to accompany their loved ones and some, just to kill boredom.
I had my own. I have covered half marathons... I needed to know my physiological capabilities and limits. I needed to know that my heart and will is much stronger than my body. I needed to know that i won't quit unnecessarily. I needed to know that i won't be supressed that easily. ... I needed to know that who i am is not confined to being flesh and blood.
Valuable lessons were learnt.
Wheather was merciful, I thank HIM for that. Had a good start and a smooth run till the 27th km. I was happy about running non stop till 27... the longest i ever ran nonstop was 20km. That is when my knee started to cave in. Wanted to continue running but pain was getting sharper. I decided to stop and walk. Contemplated throwing the race but i couldnt. I started something and i wanted to finish it. Badly. Never had so many bad cramps on my muscles before.. I never had a cramp on my toes, i do not even know how to stretch my toes.Can it even be stretched?
The run taught me more than what i had expected. I ran with pride, with my head held high.. Exhaustion taught me to be humble when i could no longer keep upright and i walked with my head towards the ground. I wanted to finish the race in the shortest time possible but the daunting distance taught me patience and perseverance. I learnt the value of sharing for hadn't the stranger shared his power gel with me, i would have struggled on with more pain. I learnt the value of helping when another stranger helped me to stretch my calves. I was taught that a kind word can go a long way ( thanks Anthony for spurring me on). I learnt the value of bond when strangers were encouraging one another to keep at it. The run taught me to focus on the task at hand and not be distracted. Preparing for this run taught me the value of dedication .I learnt that pain is temporary but achievement is forever.
Most importantly i learnt that nothing is possible without HIS blessings.... perfect wheather in the month of December, cool breeze , miraculous sustenance of knees , to put it short and sweet, EVERYTHING.....
Now tell me, wasn't all these worth the meagre 55 that i paid?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)