Is it? Is it not? .... or is it just me?

When does a :

• yes means yes?

• no means no?

• yes doesn't exactly means yes but something else in between?

• no doesn't mean a no but an entirely different thing?

such miscommunication is trivial by itself but have all the potential to gain critical mass over time and erupt as a life changing experience.

Countless times, i have been engaged in confrontations because of such misunderstandings. From friends to family.. Each has his/her own representation to the same word and do they expect me to be a f***ing telepath to understand their rendition of the word? Is it so F***ing difficult to just simply say things as it is? when i confront them back.. they say "you are my family/friend.. you should know me and how i am and what i am? therefor you understand what i meant"...why don't you try UNDERSTANDING me you dimwit. why not try understanding the freaking fact that its damn difficult for me to keep count of various meanings for the same word and apply it accordingly to context while you simply throw your damn words and expect me to decipher what you meant? if i decipher it correctly they say i am being too particular...if i decipher it wrongly they say i read too much in between the lines. what you want me to do then?

They say its a matter of being tactful, considerate, concerned and delicate for the other party.. what does it matter when it deviates from the truth? had nothing against being tactful or concerned or etc.. but at the end see to it that truth is upheld.

The consequences of not upholding the simple truth does not necessarily have to be in epic proportions... it can happen at the mundane level and gain critical mass and grow into a mountain.

[extremely simplified scenario with made up names]

K has been having a rough time in school.. has a particular project he needs alot of help with.. one night, K was confiding his problems to L.. L being a good friend was listening to his probs said in the end dun worry it can be done just call me up again tomorrow and i will see to it.
K was damn glad.. and relieved that his probs have a solution.

K called but L was busy.. K called again the next day but L was again missing in action. K naturally grew uncomfortable calling L again and again but thank goodness he resolved his own probs. L suddenly inquires about the K's project...

K feeling unsettled approached L abt his word to help.. to which L gave a hundred reasons as to why he was not able to deliver. matters got heated up abit after which L said that he was just being friendly and helpful.. he wanted K to feel that there is always hope and even said that K shud have understood him that he was just being nice. kinda funny how the guy who got victimized is now also the offender.

[ the end ]

it is a very simple situation honestly and i believe all of us would have gone through some variations of it. this is just an extremely simple case.. ad we all know that are far more serious ones out there.. and they exist in every form of relationships...

some have advised me that this life ( how the f*** does this equate to life i am not sure guess i am immature). some advised me to relax and people will always be like that (the ones who have seen the life changing experiences.) some advised me that such white lies is what that makes life interesting ( tell ya wat, they bending over and getting their posterior pile driven will make life interesting too.)

i guess its ok when 1 or 2 does it.. but when everyone does it and expect you to understand? that is the time of the past... i have just joined the super heck care grp where i am simply gonna reflect what you give me. thank you for teaching me all that you have, now get ready for a revision.

who gives in.. u or me?

Disclaimer:
-the following article is just a representation of the authors view ( which popped up during a long and lonely bus ride). It's not my intention to spark off a war on gender superiority (as i respect both).
-i believe it should serve as a good reflection point for those who are about to enter the holy instituition of marriage. ( if it doesn't do not screw me)
-i am neither generalizing nor stereotyping anyone... whom ever i referenced to belong to a rising minority.
- bear with the grammatical/ punctuational errors as i am rather sleepy but i feel obliged to share my views....

Nikkah.Holy Matrimony.Kalyaanam. These are the words that have been echoing around me for the past few weeks. Good news ... especially when my close buddies are joining the bandwagon and to be frank its drilling for oil inside my pocket (no offence to anyone). It kind of makes me reflect on my own life, a year back, all i was attending were birthday parties.. now its all weddings... i am getting old..hmmm. Anyway back to the point.

Imagine the ecstacy when you are starting a life/family of your own with the woman/man you have loved for who knows how long...the transition, new responsibilities/priorities, the new face that suddenly is sharing the bed and of course the pay with you.. all these changes despite being frightening.. is something that you are willing to face all for the woman/man you love so much. and when u do enter the instituition of marriage with that special person.. everything becomes surreal.. all we tend to consider and accept are the positive things.. if anyone mentions even the slightest mention of the word/s "what if this( this being somethin negative) happens" and "divorce" , we tend to touch wood ( not sure how it helps tho)...cross fingers and the ever popular "choi"..

my argument is, why assume that it wont happen to you, not that i am being so pessimistic or wat.. i mean, i believe that this is all about balance. just like life and death. we keep company with the constant thought of death to ensure the quality, morality and the integrity of our lives. it doesnt mean that we are planning to die rite.. just like that why not couples keep company with the constant thought of divorce and work against it.. by doing so we automatically enrich our married lives. qualities such as understanding, givin in, compromise and communication and problem solving naturally kick in when we fear the prospect of a separation.

the reason why i brought in such a dark topic was simply because, just recently a close family fren got divorced. it was devastating news considering the fact that the marriage was only 4 months old.. everything was going perfect.. bride and groom loved each other, marriage was with the consent of both families. basically everything was perfect. just that the bride had to move in with the grooms family( which seems ok by my standards) till they get their own flat. Along the course of the next few weeks, guess somethings happened which threw peace and tranquility into the family maelstrom.

[details are ommitted to protect the privacy of the family]

groom's family made some comments that was seen as insensitive by the new bride.
bride retorts and this was not tolerated by the groom and he in turn said some things that the bride was not happy with.

now i would have anticipated the worst case scenario to be the bride to push for their own flat to live apart and by themselves.. but wat happened was that bride one day just came back with a signed divorce paper and asked the groom to sign it.. he was totally taken aback. after countless futile attempts to reconcile, he gave up and just signed it. It all ended there.

Now wats wrong with the outcome? wat went wrong and who is at fault?(not that it matters)
Wouldn't things have turned out better if the girls was just patient? or the guy be more sensitive and understanding.. i am not sayin all the gals in singapore are like this, but i do see it as a rising trend.. gals just opting for divorce when they encounter friction in the marriage. what baffles me most is such things pretty much didnt exist in the generation before us.. our mothers generation basically. a generation in which most were not that highly educated.. what happened to the gals of our gen? did education empower them and liberate them from the "shackles of suppression" that actually sustained the sanctity of the home ?

[the Mothers Gen]

the husband is always rite. whateva the husband does, he still is the husband.. he provides for the family. He ill treats me also nevermind.. i dun wan divorce.. i dun wanna break my marriage..

[the Daughters Gen]

ur head the husband is always rite. wat eva the husband does, basket , will return it with interest. He ill treats me, simple just divorce.. i deserve better.... screw the marriage.

the "shackles of suppression" (despite depriving the woman of her rites at times) sustained the sanctity of family home. why? isnt education suppose to enlighten us and show us a better way? is it a just a fad created by the western world to disintegrate the strength and resolute of the asian woman?
i really dun get it.. i have heard talks abt equal rights .... wat rites? does the female wanna compete with wat the man does? does it make them feel better ? i believe that each gender has its own place in nature.. each has a specific role.. if each is individual then why fite for = rites?

i am not slamming the female species.. in fact i got a longer post on the flaws of men coming up.. but for the time being i have to stop here.. hopefully i get some replies to clarify my confusions.