Rushing back home after a long school day, dumping the school bag at one corner and sending my Bata's flying to the other.. Just to change and rush down to play catching at the playground with friends.
Forging parents signature on my report card when my grades nose dived.
Skipping terawih prayers to sneak into the darkness of the then crescent field ( now safra mt faber) to light up the first salem.
joining a uniformed group for the first time. Marching in our uniforms and thrusting our chest to the skies. At the same time buckling down on our own weight and licking the floor in the name of push ups.
Jumping over the fence and catching True Lies at Bukit Merah.
The first testosterone driven fight under the void deck to defend the brotherhood.
Forging brotherhoods and partnerships in crime including vandalism, public nuisance, miniature rioting, theft of automobiles (almost), Chroming , smuggling, getting arrested... my goodness...
So much has happened. So much has sculpted us in our growing process. But most of the times its always the bad experiences that teaches lessons of life and tests the fortitude of friendships by melting them in a crucible. The purities glow, while the impurities vaporize. After all is said and done, there remains a few of us torn, tattered.. tried and tested but still hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, brother to brother. Hence an unsaid oath is taken.. to be brothers for ever in the unshakable faith that nothing can pull us apart.... but life has other plans... adulthood.
Adulthood; priorities change, lifestyles change, times change. Friends change. Its sad to see that the friendship that withstood the battering obstacles of growing up, was succumbing to the subtle influences of adulthood and was diluting away day by day. The great adventures we had back then has now reduced to coffeeshop table top talks or sms'... pathetic. But beggars can't be choosers. i am getting tired.. can't keep it together anymore.i accept defeat. No one wrote rules as to how to live our lives and yet we conform ourselves to a mould.. a mould which no one wants to break.
Then, there is the other sort. The "phasers", people who categorize friends accordingly to the phases of life.. Once the phase is over, so is the friendship. What so difficult in keeping the old friends when making new ones? Anyway its none of my concern anymore..
So much trial and tribulations. So much lost in the past decade. So much hurt. But if not for all these, i wouldn't have known who were the real deal. Thus i would hereby take this opportunity to let you know that i am truly honored by your friendship, Chanthi, Ali and Shan.. Here is my Oath of friendship to you.
Oath of friendship
PS 2 : For those also close friends of mine( alot of close ones out there) who are not mentioned... this is not an academy award॥ so dun come and hound me as to why i didnt list your names.. you know that i love and cherish you all the same...and have shown you my affection in one way or another.. so shut up.... ;)
PS 3 : PS 2 is not a diplomatic and damage controlling statement to appease the unmentioned heroes and heroines of my life..
When you are sad....I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue...I'll try to dislodge whatever it is that is choking you.
When you smile...I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared...I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused...I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick...stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
PS: A good friend will be there to bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying, "That was f***ing awesome!"
When you are blue...I'll try to dislodge whatever it is that is choking you.
When you smile...I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared...I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused...I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick...stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
PS: A good friend will be there to bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying, "That was f***ing awesome!"
PS 2 : For those also close friends of mine( alot of close ones out there) who are not mentioned... this is not an academy award॥ so dun come and hound me as to why i didnt list your names.. you know that i love and cherish you all the same...and have shown you my affection in one way or another.. so shut up.... ;)
PS 3 : PS 2 is not a diplomatic and damage controlling statement to appease the unmentioned heroes and heroines of my life..
10 comments:
i dont remember saying f'ing awesome at all!! all i remember is we all planning our future..
what was i.. a shopkeeper? lol..
very touched by your oath.. and to be fair.. i shall take up the oath.. damn interesting!
oh when u talked about the darkness of mount faber.. i thought u were about to tell about the holding hands part...
thank god u didn't..
but i did.. oops..
Interesting post though not surprising. I guess it also boils down to one's expectations of life and its givings. Maybe if and I stress if, when one makes a good friend, he/she could let them know of his/her expectations. Let them know perhaps that he/she expects them to come down when they're called for outings, maintain the same amount of telephone conversations, table talk conversations, shopping trips and so on. In a nutshell, be like how they are now even if they get attached, married, have kids and so on. Let them know that life's changes shouldn't affect greatly the relationship that they have with he/she. Then perhaps, there won't be disappointments, hurt and emotional stress as there is transparency and gives the other a chance to admit if their expectations vary and if they can't give such commitments or should I say undisclosed oaths which work on an opt out system. You never know you are under the oath until you realise it, by then it's too late.
Personally, close friends to me are those who have stood with me throughout and are readily there when I need them.In this path of life, some friends have become more like family members and I'm grateful to Allah for these newly created relationships (such as Ali and yourself and some others who are aliens to readers of this post)
Feelings don't necessarily be mutual and expectations don't necessarily have to be met. But a good friend would be able to see if some of his friends are making an effort (even if they don't agree to the expectations) in a bid to keep the close friendship. Simply put, doing what the other feels needs to be done in order to be considered close even though they don't agree. All because they value the friendship and they understand the friend. Truly, that's a friend.
hmm... know wat, am not surprised by yr post!:)
My thoughts: Everyone goes through phrases in life and one cant expect another person to think the same way as him/her. cas, its each and individual's life.. tats the bottom line. Life’s problems and situations changes ones’s lifestyle.
But, no one forgets VALUABLE friendships as they are valued and treasured in one's life and jus becas they don keep in constant touch or meet-ups, tat doesnt mean tat they don value that friendship nor have they forego or forgotten them.. it has to be felt real deep in the heart.
I have to thank allah for giving me that kinda friendships that I share with some of my friends. :)
I look forward to the day when you realise that nothing - not even you or me - lasts indefinitely.
Our existence is meant to be fraught with change. When you accept that, things become a lot easier to swallow.
Nunbuns.. i know that nothing lasts forever.. and no bonds of this world will follow u to the hereafter. which is why to me at least i believe that i gotta treasure these frenships/bonds/family as much as i can. coz they will onli exist till i do. What exactly is to happen after my passing.. i dunno.. but right now i am given this valuable gift .. choice... choice to make my life as beautiful or as hellish as i want it to be. i choose to surround myself with bonds, family and all my loved ones..
if i am to turn cynical n play down all efforts that i have put in creating and maintaining these bonds.... then i truly am living an empty life.. a life that when i look back b4 my time of passing comes, wud be meaningless and not worthy of having lived at all. its not fulfilling at all . ( putting aside religious connotations of submission to Allah SWT)..
i agree that nothing lasts.. i have seen some first hand experiences. but if succumb to it.. then i am best off as a hermit. why do i need anyone at all?? or anything for the matter of fact...in some instances we label the inevitable as fate..
i rather do what i can and accept the consequence as fate then to forgo any attempts stating that the end result is the same.
and safi... guess wat... i am not surprised by ur comment at all.. i believe u have seen how bullish i get at this matters.. and u wud have known most of the reasons why i always believe that an effort has to be made to be in touch reasonably constantly.
we are living in a world like wat my dear bro, nunbuns said, nothin lasts forever ( funny this is also the climax dialogue in HIGHLANDER 3.. and we know that anythin can change at any point of time. when u go to sleep today , there is no guarantee that u will see sunrise tomorrow.. in such an uncertain existence wudnt u want ur fren/boyfren/family/bond to know you have always loved and cherished them? if u are the type who calls up or meets up ur closest fren once every 4 to 5 Months, wats the guarantee that she will be alive tomorrow? it doesnt take that long for a car to knock u or her down, endin the life.. No one knows how much living time Allah SWT has allocated our bodies.. i rather not sit down and regret about what it cud have been.. i rather sit down and cry for all the memorable times till the day he or she had to pass on came.
One more point.. if it makes any sense at all.. ( if it doesnt dun bother..)
yashila mentioned "...those who have stood with me throughout and are readily there when I need them..."
i too believe in it.. for them to be there for me in my times of needs.. but if i cant even make a simple effort to call up or meet up that reasonable once in a while, then dun u think i am just takin them for granted.. every time i call them is coz i need somethin for them is it? before rebuttin this point.. just think abt it.. how are u gonna feel if the onli time some fren calls u is when the fren needs somthin from u...?
Well if you consider my comments as rebuttal, then I guess you've missed my point. Before I proceed, I'm definitely not having a debate with you on your opinions.
None should take friends for granted and call them only when you need something and definitely I or any of my close friends do not fall in this category. I said that to indicate that such instances in life point out who are the real deal. Personally, for me at least. Just like for you, the real deal are those who keep constant contact and maintain the same contact no matter how life changes.
I'll like to bring you to my point of friends making efforts. When was the last time you sat down to think which of your friends are trying? Something they are not obliged to do but are doing? Maybe they did, maybe they are trying just so as to fulfill your criteria of closeness even though to them you're already close. Before you reply, think. Cos efforts unrealised may vanish.
er... yashila.. i wasnt rebuttin u.. i picked up a certain portion of ur feedback as i felt it was close enough to explain wat i meant by my earlier ( and unmentioned in this blog entry ) examples to Safi.. so if u read the reply i wrote for safi, it will seem from a diff perspective .. coz there are some private conversations i had with dafi regardin this.. so relak la...
My family, true and close frends and my boyfriend KNOWS how much i love them. i don have to call them everyday to tell that point. like i said, it HAS to be felt deep in the heart. Once one feels it, he/she wont be complaining abt it.
And i believe a TRUE friend would definitely wont feel that they are being used when they are or taken granted for when we need them.. At least not my true friends and neither am I.. :)
And another point, we all know anything can happen anytime.. N i believe if you know where you stood wif that particular friend(appies vice versa), i don think i will be sitting down and dwelling over things.. in fact, i will be holding on to the memories that i have shared with that friend.
well well,, i thinks its individual's criterias and expectations that they might look into at his/hers friendships. At this point in time, I have to thank Allah SWT for making me give my friends least expectations in my friendships that i share with them.. cas, the last thing i wanna do is puttin them under pressure or tight situations to conform to my expectations.
As for yr points and mine, hmm.. its like going head to head.. :) so, i shant comment any further.. :)
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