Monday, April 07, 2008

The Forgotten Entry.

The following is an excerpt from a draft left unfinished from April 2005. The original words are those in italics the normal ones are my current thoughts. Just to gauge how far i have come.

Warning
: Following entry may contain some strong language which could be an anti-thesis of this normally fun filled and crappy blog. You have been warned.

2005

Friendships that were forged through adolescence and coalesced into a band of brothers through our struggles in hell and high water. Hell and high water, my creed of late. They say that change is the only constant in life. I somehow feel that pain and misery make good company to change as well. Many times i have woken up with anticipation of the next f***ing shit i have to face in the day. Peace of mind is only truly attained when you are six feet underground ( which itself is becoming scarce in Singapore) .
My only reprieve, that i got to spend some time of my still seemingly insignificant existence with you by my side.. My friend.

This is a tribute to all the hard-asses who bruised with me in the name of friendship through all of Life's punishing gauntlets to date. Hard asses whom are warriors in their own rights. Warriors in whom i discovered the arcadia for loyalty.

Is blood really thicker than water? I doubt so. If communication itself is a barrier then where is understanding going to come from? F*** the notions of piety.. When it every man for himself.

This is a tribute to a family that is still in cohesion, despite the storms that at many times, almost blew us apart. To a family that proved in its weird ways that blood is thicker than water through the very fights that threatened its existence. So weird that i still cant find the words to describe it. Yet i am grateful that i had it in my most desperate moments.

What good is a God who can do no good at all? How long more are You going to keep striking me down? What did i do to be put down all the time? Where is the fairness? What kind of a judge are you? Where is the strength that i prayed for? I asked for peace of mind and all you gave were more headaches. I can take no more.. i am falling to my knees.
It's funny.. all i had to do when i was on my knees, was to lean further and i was in the perfect position to pray. Din, you asked for strength and you got it. How else would you be able to survive through all that you did.. How else would you have been able to be a shoulder to cry on despite your own problems. Grow up Din. Grow up. You asked for peace, didn't you get the best sleep in years after slogging for the well being of others? Have faith Din, HE knows what you need and HE has always given it to you in due time. What you don't have now is what you don't need now.


PS:
What were these gauntlets, hell and high water that i am talking about? They are not some scene off the Armageddon movie. They are from our very lives.
The financial crunches. The despair of failing. The burden of responsibilities. The heart breaks. Funerals.The regrets. Flawed expectations. Misunderstandings. Feuds. Pettiness. Feel free to add on.


1 comment:

Nunbun said...

As the traveller walks the journey of life, he is tested many times by the One who told him to go on the journey. The traveller is sometimes given food, water, and a place to stay. But sometimes he is tested in his faith in the One, when he is deprived of food, when rain pours on him, and when he is almost driven to the point of hopelessness.

But the traveller is given respite, because the traveller knows that whatever he faces in the journey is temporary, while the destination he seeks to reach is the permanent abode, with the One.