Taking the urine sample had always been quite difficult for me.. be it during the pre-employment check up, or during a normal routine health check up or the mother of all pain in the ass.. the drug test in NS..
[an insight of my thoughts]
I always had a problem in producing urine on demand. It comes when it wants to no one tells me what to do. i may have a full stock but when someone else wants what i am holding in my bladder.. i get too reluctant to share it with them.. its my urine, its mine.. MINE! and somehow i don't feel like peeing anymore. The urge miraculously vanishes. Apparently this is what the professionals(i wonder how many bladder auditions they had conducted) call "shy bladder" ..
To be very honest ... the pre-employment check and the routine health check is not so bad.. they at least respect your privacy and direct you to a closed cubicle toilet when requesting your pee.. there you can at least coax ur rebellious bladder to let loose abit and be more generous with its possession.
The "shittiest" one is the random drug test in NS.. i believe all the guys who had endured NS would understand what i am talking about. The following is the true life incident of myself... who else.
It was cold and beautiful morning.. birds chirping at the window of my bunk... the sun rays.. flooding the ...enough crap.. let me cut to the chase.
[ After the routine roll call and equipment check duties]
myself: maan, wait up.. going bunk rite.. finally can sleep for a while la..
maan: shut up and walk faster la.. u jus wasted 15 seconds of my sleep.
"encik": Oi!!
maan/myself: yesh ENCIK!!!!
encik: where are you running away to? to go sleep rite!
maan: no encik.. going to the OPS ROOM to retrieve the PDV(the primary response vehicle or my unit) key.. Plt 6 LTA requested me to help him encik! it seems that the auditors are coming today so all units to display their best behaviour. Can i proceed Encik!?
[in a daze,looking at maan with my mouth open]
Encik: Din!.. You escaping where ?
Myself: I...er..I oso gonna help Maan encik...
Encik: for wat F***, the key that heavy ah? no need , YOU! go for drug test.. give me ur 11 B and follow me.
[at the testing centre, standing at a corner gettin a carceral feeling as provosts surround me. ]
Provost: Din, ur turn, take the cup and pee into it.. the toilet is there ( ya rite all i see is a urinal and nothin else.. no partition no nothing and it doesnt help that there is another gayish provost who is overlookin u from the back while u pee into the cup and furthermore he looks like he is enjoyin his job.. bad.. very bad.)
- after standing there for abt 5 to 10 mins.. manage to pee something to a substantial level..
provost: Din, ur pee pls( with a colgate smile and passion in his voice)...
provost: not bad...
- DUDE !!! DUN DO THAT.. its freaking sick.. i know our govt has been campaignin for courtesy and service orientation but this is ridiculous.. YOU do not ask for my PEE with so much happiness in ur smile and comment on how good it looks. show some disgust on handling the cup full of my urine la... dumb jack ass.. feel like puking.
myself: can i go now..
provost: ya sure...
[ i dash out of that sick place]
with experinces like this why wudnt i have difficulty in peein on demand... hey guys.. anything similar to share? ;)
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