world's fastest supercomputer

What's the world's fastest supercomputer used for?

by Julia Layton

Protein molecules are the building blocks of the human body.

The world's fastest supercomputer will probably never be known as the world's fastest supercomputer. RIKEN's MDGrape-3 is the first machine to break the petaflop barrier -- that's 1 quadrillion calculations (floating-point operations, to be specific) per second -- and it's three times faster than the currently ranked fastest computer in the world, IBM's BlueGene/L. But MDGrape-3 is so specialized that it can't run the software used to officially rank computing speed. What it can do is determine the effect of any chemical compound on one of the most intricate systems in the human body in a couple of seconds.

MDGrape-3 is designed for pharmaceutical research, specifically molecular dynamics simulation. In developing drugs, pharmaceutical companies have to analyze thousands on thousands of chemical compounds to find out how they'll affect the protein-bonding structures in the human body. Protein structures called enzymes are the building blocks that do all of the work within a cell, and the way these proteins bond with any drug compound introduced into the human body determines the body's response to that drug. MDGrape-3 produces simulations of these molecular interactions. What takes most computers hours or days to analyze takes MDGrape-3 a few seconds. This functionality is invaluable in drug research, and it could drastically cut the research time involved in the development of new cures. A subsidiary of pharmaceutical giant Merck has already booked time on the machine.

Structurally speaking, MDGrape-3 is a parallel computing system consisting of two main sections: a primary server unit and a specialized-engines unit. The latter component is a cluster of 201 engines running proprietary chips developed by Riken specifically for MDGrape-3. It's this huge set of engines, running 24 MDGrape-3 chips each, that does the heavy protein-analysis lifting. Each chip has a maximum processing speed of 230 gigaflops (one billion operations per second). The primary server unit manages the engine cluster. This parallel server setup runs two different types of processors: 65 servers run dual-core Intel 5000-series Xeon processors, 256 per server; and 37 servers run 3.3-GHz Intel Xeon processors, each with 2 MB of level 1 cache, at 74 processors per server. This hardware structure enables the 1-petaflop speed, which is the machine's theoretical maximum for certain processes.

MDGrape-3 took $9 million and about four years to build. And it's actually very efficient -- a total cost of $9 million breaks down to about $15 per gigaflop. The slower BlueGene/L cost about $140 per gigaflop to build.

BlueGene/L, which tops out at a theoretical 360 teraflops (trillion calculations per second), is also a biotechnology-specific machine. The advances in speed marked by these two supercomputers is indicative of a general trend in technology toward biologically-slanted systems. Some say the trend really started with the successful mapping of the human genome in 2000. Regardless of what spurred the current biotechnology race, most experts agree that the logical end of the surge is a state of DNA-based medicine. In several decades, we could make an appointment with our doctor for a quick DNA analysis to find out what diseases we're at risk for and pop a single, gene-targeting pill that eliminates all of those foreseeable risks.

time's forgotten oaths

Kutti's birthday meet up set me thinking for sometime now. So much has changed.So much..

Rushing back home after a long school day, dumping the school bag at one corner and sending my Bata's flying to the other.. Just to change and rush down to play catching at the playground with friends.

Forging parents signature on my report card when my grades nose dived.

Skipping terawih prayers to sneak into the darkness of the then crescent field ( now safra mt faber) to light up the first salem.

joining a uniformed group for the first time. Marching in our uniforms and thrusting our chest to the skies. At the same time buckling down on our own weight and licking the floor in the name of push ups.

Jumping over the fence and catching True Lies at Bukit Merah.

The first testosterone driven fight under the void deck to defend the brotherhood.

Forging brotherhoods and partnerships in crime including vandalism, public nuisance, miniature rioting, theft of automobiles (almost), Chroming , smuggling, getting arrested... my goodness...

So much has happened. So much has sculpted us in our growing process. But most of the times its always the bad experiences that teaches lessons of life and tests the fortitude of friendships by melting them in a crucible. The purities glow, while the impurities vaporize. After all is said and done, there remains a few of us torn, tattered.. tried and tested but still hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, brother to brother. Hence an unsaid oath is taken.. to be brothers for ever in the unshakable faith that nothing can pull us apart.... but life has other plans... adulthood.

Adulthood; priorities change, lifestyles change, times change. Friends change. Its sad to see that the friendship that withstood the battering obstacles of growing up, was succumbing to the subtle influences of adulthood and was diluting away day by day. The great adventures we had back then has now reduced to coffeeshop table top talks or sms'... pathetic. But beggars can't be choosers. i am getting tired.. can't keep it together anymore.i accept defeat. No one wrote rules as to how to live our lives and yet we conform ourselves to a mould.. a mould which no one wants to break.

Then, there is the other sort. The "phasers", people who categorize friends accordingly to the phases of life.. Once the phase is over, so is the friendship. What so difficult in keeping the old friends when making new ones? Anyway its none of my concern anymore..

So much trial and tribulations. So much lost in the past decade. So much hurt. But if not for all these, i wouldn't have known who were the real deal. Thus i would hereby take this opportunity to let you know that i am truly honored by your friendship, Chanthi, Ali and Shan.. Here is my Oath of friendship to you.

Oath of friendship

When you are sad....I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue...I'll try to dislodge whatever it is that is choking you.

When you smile...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused...I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick...stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

PS: A good friend will be there to bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying, "That was f***ing awesome!"

PS 2 : For those also close friends of mine( alot of close ones out there) who are not mentioned... this is not an academy award॥ so dun come and hound me as to why i didnt list your names.. you know that i love and cherish you all the same...and have shown you my affection in one way or another.. so shut up.... ;)

PS 3 : PS 2 is not a diplomatic and damage controlling statement to appease the unmentioned heroes and heroines of my life..

Kinabalu 2007

At 4000 plus metres above sea level.. What have i gotten myself into?

From Talkingcock.com

Stressed. Felt as if i was going mad. Clicked on Talkingcock to unwind. Guess what i found to read.

SEOW LEOW! Signs We’re Going Gila Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 Topic: We, The Citizens

by Kway Png & K.K.Cheow According to the State’s Times, 1 in 4 Singaporean teens and young adults could develop psychological problems and mental diseases like schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, psychosis, personality disorder, paranoia, delusion and hallucinations. 25%! Seow leow! That’s a lot! TalkingCock.com presents a list of signs to help us Singaporeans recognize if we’re going gila: 1. You speak in different accents depending on who you’re talking to 2. You’re always looking over your shoulder whenever you complain about the Gahmen, in case ‘others’ eavesdrop and report you 3. You copy down the license plate numbers of cars involved in accidents because you believe others’ misfortune might bring you good luck 4. Not so long ago, you were even copying down numbers you thought you saw on the bodies of fish 5. You suspect there’s one man controlling your life from behind the scenes 6. You have the inexplicable urge to urinate in lifts 7. Your mind is full of contradictory notions – for example: a. you think people are inconsiderate when they don’t leave their table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang. b. you insist on enrolling your kids in Speech & Drama classes, and then pray they won’t go into the arts when they grow up c. you think that giving the poor a lot more money will discourage hard work, but paying politicians million dollar salaries will not 8. You think food tastes better when eaten by a longkang 9. The stuff you see depicted on local TV doesn’t seem to bear even the slightest resemblance to real life as you recognize it 10. You thought you saw your MP dancing hip-hop recently 11. You’re scared to walk around naked even in your own flat 12. You elected a guy even though he’s rumoured to have slapped someone 13. Why can’t you believe that the reporting in newspapers is unbiased? 14. You lash out with lawsuits even over the slightest criticism 15. You whack people over Hello Kitty 16. You’d rather drink your own pee than pay other people more for water 17. You see Men in White everywhere 18. You still haven’t emigrated Got any more signs? Let us know!

© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved.
(If you're circulating this by email to your friends, please include this attribution. It's only polite, leh!)

In the heat of saturday night fever.

Quite a number of events occurred so getting to the gist of matters.

18 march (sunday) 5.50am outside hougang plaza.

struggling to stay awake while dragging my feet to the MRT station.. what am i doing there in the wee hours of the morning on a sunday? You may ask.. Well, i was on my way to Bt Timah for the weekly train up.. anyway coming back to the point.. i was walking past a group of teenagers seated on a bench and sobering up after their saturday night out i guess (and some of them, obviously still drunk).. so as i was walking past them, i heard one of them shouting out, "Eh Keling!"

Something just shot up my spine. i do not take well to racist remarks you see.. and i take it a bit more violently when the dumb ass is a bloody teenager..but i just continued walking, trying my best to avoid any form of conflict and screw up my beautiful morning. But NO... those rash punks could not let it rest. a few of them just came across my path and asked if i was deaf or what. To which i forced out a small smile and said excuse me. At this point of time another scantily clad and barely sober girl in a sweat drenched white tube top staggers into the group confronting me and asks them to knock it off.. i was quite impressed with her drunken sobriety and subtly said, please take your friends sound advice before anything gets out of control. concurrently some of them were back stepping already, except for this one dumb ass who was really fated to get it today. He asks me "Eh C*** B** Keling, you think you bruce lee ah.. you wan go 1 on 1 or not.. i mah bok also can take you down..etc." the soberly drunken girl comes back to drag him off to which i simply smiled at her and thanked her. Our hero cannot take it already.. he grabs my t-shirt and asks " you dare to smile at her!?" [ i dare to do more than that and i do not need to be bruce lee.. dimwit. i am a pissed indian thats enuff.. Keling is it... dun worry you definitely will hear "Kling" when i am done ]

Anger had already consumed me beyond control.. Pride has enraged me beyond rationality... and Ego has empowered me beyond restraint. so in return, i grabbed his windpipe and gently* pushed him a few steps back. Suddenly i found a bar stool in my hand and i realised instantly that that stool look much better on his face then in my hand. so i decided to put it in its befitting place. I took out my phone to call my buddies that i will be late to the hike but i guess they thought i was calling them down to hougang.

After that the entire bench came running to him.. and a few of the other guys simply apologized and ushered me away. i humbly requested that i wanted to call the police to resolve our differences but they chose to be magnanimous and simply give in to my views.

Entire ordeal lasted 20 mins, i got so mood out that i just wanted to turn back home and sleep it off. but considering the amount of effort Nisa puts into organising all this training sessions and considering that Faizul and the rest all took the trouble, i decided to go ahead anyway. But it was a good call had a wonderful time there. All of them were gung ho and on form. It took my mind of things.

BEST STUNT OF THE YR - TAMIL MOVIE - The best video clips are here

the imperfect perfectionist.

tried to rectify the problems with the columns and spacing in the previous black template.. all i did was to further mess it up.. the funny thing is that i got it perfect the first time round.. just that i was not happy with it.. wanted to further improve it.. one thing lead to another and voila.. a freaking bloody mess.. so i decided to take the easy way out and do another theme from scratch.

The Victim and the Villain and a whole load of V's

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V...."
[Goosebumps break out]
The opening lines of V, introducing himself to Evey in the dark alleys of London. V for Vendetta, a movie that i have grown to love and watch over and over again as and when time permits me.

Today was a blessing in a way. Drizzling and cold outside, no ones at home, and i just returned after a tiring day at work.. The refreshingly cold shower was very much welcomed after getting spat on and smudged with mucus. Out of my stinking sports gear and into a nice comfortable "sarong" and a singlet with a nice warm cup of "teh tarik" in my grasp.. The entire house is to myself... Dimmed the lights in the hall, turned on the fan to a nice gentle breeze blowing at me. Puffed up the cushions on my couch, set my comforter in place and proceeded to the DVD player and inserted... what else ... "V for Vendetta" before finally chucking myself into the couch..and the show begins...
It's a movie that i do not get sickened of despite having watched a dozen times. A movie that constantly questions man's integrity and his right of freedom of speech and thought; A movie that experiments with the multitudinous perspectives of the single word "Ideas". A movie that forecasts the fate of the developed nations in time to come. A movie that awakens dormant principles within me. Anyway enough praises about the movie, i know it is getting fulsome.

As i watched the movie, time and again i get confronted with this question in my mind.
" if you can make the difference.. would you?"
it is a simple question that bears different messages to different people.. it is subjective.. I know.
But welcome to my perspective.
We often lose ourselves whilst searching for that forever eluding better life. In the midst of the search, we lose our moral values, conscience and integrity.. If we do not lose them, we alter them to flow with the already guilty population. We lose our identity and we become sheep that follows the herder blindly.

It is a simple question that we often face in our everyday lives, but it is a damned difficult one to find an answer to. So difficult that at times, we choose to turn our backs on it hoping that that which is out of sight will be out of mind. A habit we Singaporeans[assumingly a majority] have honed to perfection with so many social problems as excuses or alibis.. We have become so self-centered and every little deed that is done, is done so in the expectation of a profit/certificate/favour/recognition/etc.

When was the last time you gave up your umbrella to someone who needs it more than you?
When was the last time you stood up for a colleague at work without worrying about the potential damage it can do to your career?
When was the last time you gave your lunch to the old woman silently begging at the entrance of the MRT station?
When was the last time you did something for another without getting anything in return, when was the last time you placed others before yourself..

I am equally guilty of the banes that i just mentioned which is why i used "we" to a large extent.. but i must thank God of presenting an opportunity to salvage some bits and pieces of my already degenerating humanity. salvage.. salvage the old school loyalty, sacrifice, service, brotherhood and camaraderie.. we are Singaporeans la dei... wake up your ideas... already the country so small, why u wanna segment it further?

think abt it la..." if you can make the difference.. would you?"

That's Life...

Just came across my journals.. Funny that i adopted a few philosophies to life over the past years..

- Where you end up isn't the most important thing. It's the road you take to get there. The road you take is what you'll look back on and call your life.

- We are all born originals. Why is it so many of us die copies?

- If life gives us rocks, it's our choice whether to build a bridge or a wall.

- All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better

and my all time favourite.....

- You never get bitten by an elephant. It's the mosquitoes that eat you alive

Excuse me ... are you a model?

Its been quite some time since i last encountered weird conversations with weird people..and in the weirdest places..

I was returning home from NUS today. As usual i alighted at Hougang Mrt and for some strange reason decided to drop by Hougang Mall to see how deserted it looks like.. except for a hang ten outlet, the rest were closed for the festive holidays.After spending 10 mins looking around the only open outlet i was heading for the exit.. It was at this point i heard someone yelling out EXCUSE ME!!! the following was a brief conversation i had with him.
[ lets just say that the guys name is kenny or .. kenny it is..]

Kenny: Excuse me!!
Din: [after lining myself up with the corridor wall] Oh sorry, here u go..
Kenny: Hi, Excuse me....
Din: Er.. i just did wat..
Kenny: Sorry.. i meant to say "can i ask you something?"
Din: Er, go ahead..
Kenny: Are you a model??

[a pair of squinted eyeballs and cringing eyebrows appears on my face]
Din: Er.. No..
Kenny: thats good. would you be interested in modeling?
[ not that i am vain or what but i said yes. you see,i am a person who is keen to try new things in life.]
Kenny: thats great.. can i have your number please..
Din: Er.. why not you give me a namecard?
[After caressing his extremely short and pocketless silk shorts..]
Kenny: sorry i forgot to bring la..
[Ya rite]
Din: great.. at least tell me which company are u from?
Kenny: i am from Superstar.. [ Corny but i will close one eye.. u see this is the chance of my lifetime to become a .....er.... superstar model]
Kenny: we source out for great looking people..
Din: should i choose to accept, wat will i be modeling?
Kenny: Sports wear and Gym wear [ i assume he is referring to tights and crotch grabbing spandex]...You got a nice height and a good build.. may i know what are u working as..
Din: [Reluctantly]teacher..
Kenny: how is it that You P.E teachers always have a great bod.... [he was freakin me out]..
Kenny: anyway , my company will give you a free portfolio [wateva that means]all you have to do is come down for the audition.
Din: Can i think about it? can i have ur number or wat.. [ He gives me his number]... so i shall make a move..
Kenny: btw way can i take a look at ur arms..
Din: See la... but dun u dare touch them..
Kenny: good.. can u pull up ur shirt a bit, just wanted to know how toned ur abs are..[ why not i kick you in the groins to let u know what u are missing]
Din: Nah not a good idea.. not that i am shy or wat [even if i take off my shirt he will onli see a second layer of thick black hair on my belly] .. but i dun think he can handle the overdose of manliness considerin he has a severe lack of it.

i just needed to get back home and bathe as soon as possible.. i started to have goosebumps all over.

Balance - The Grey Area.

It's a wonder what long and lonely train rides can make me think about..i was in the mid section of the train on the NEL. The train was pretty empty at 11 pm.. i looked to my left and saw the 1st carriage then looked to my right and saw the last carriage and somehow i realised that i was in middle of 2 extremes. Like i was the balancing point of the entire train. Now i got my thought triggering word... BALANCE. Once i started pondering about balance, words such as "extremes" and "opposites" and 'grey area" all follow suit. Something was conjuring up in my head...and the events occuring around me in the train helped to shape my thoughts..i realised that there was a purpose for the existence of extremes. extremes help us to achieve our balances in life..i am not trying to sound profound at all.. in fact let me state a few real examples that demonstrates balance in human nature.

Firstly ..
a couple was (play )fighting in the train.. not that i was eavesdroppin but it was occurring right infront of me so couldn't help it.
Basically the boy was requesting his girlfriend to drop certain habits as he could not accept it but the girlfriend said that he had to accept her for who she is ( an individual). Boyfriend tries to coax her into compromising but to no avail.. Boyfriend states that she is being self centered..Girlfren continues with her set of rebuttles. where is the point about balance and extremes u may ask.. You see the "extremes" are the idea of being an INDIVIDUAL( who i am is who i am.. take it or leave it) and being compromising ( i am willing to change if it makes ppl happy).. the question is where do u stand? be an individual who does not care about anyone but himself or an over-sacrificer who loses his identity along the way?

Individual<---------------------where to stand--------------------->Compromise

Secondly,
the following is a popular topic, especially among my biker friends. Often times i had asked my frens that isn't riding a bike like signing a death warrant? and often times i get a philosophical answer. " If u gotta go, u definitely will go" or "wats the point of living carefully when we all die in the end"... guess they chose to see the cup as half empty whereas i chose to see it as half full.. cos i believe that life is the most precious gift to Man and in at least my religion, it has been highly advocated to take care of it in what ever means necessary.... so where is the balance?

Live for the moment <-------------------where to stand------------->preserve urself

Thirdly the all time favourite...

love is blind<-----------------where to stand----------------> love at first sight


i have come to understand that there is really no one answer to any prob.. what is an answer today , becomes the problem tomorrow.. We and our decisions are determined by the situation and circumstances that we are in at that period. This is where the extremes act as a gauge to help us make a decision..

anyway very drowsy now.. need to log.. off

I got served.... in about 2.5 hours.

I went to get to an MC as i got a strained knee ligament. After my consultation, i came back with the same strained knee, an acute lower back pain (sitting on a hard chair waiting 2 plus hours in total for a check up) and bag full of .... PARACETAMOL.... did i mention my consultation lasted a mere 3 to 4 mins?

I just do not comprehend one small observation i made today at the polyclinic. there was relatively not much crowd there at the waiting area. the thing is all of us waited an average of 10 to 15 mins before the Que number changed..the corresponding number walks in and in about 5 min.. he or she comes out.. and then it takes another 15 mins before the next patient is called up..

Its not my intention to condemn the doctors or anything.. if not for them i wouldn't have gotten my MC( which i need badly).. I am just curious as to what happens in the 10 min lapse after the patient leaves? any doctor buddies or bloggers chancing upon this site.. please enlighten me...are they bogged down with follow up paper work on the patient that they just treated.. or are they just taking a stress break for the 5 min consultation? or am i looking in the wrong direction... is the waiting problem beyond doctors and due to administration?

PS: ever noticed that despite the notice that que numbers may not appear in sequence.. u know, they follow the number sequence until the next turn is urs.. then the number jumps off to the moon.. u know ... 7041..7042..7043.. 7044..7045...9036 ??

life's a journey...

It's been a damn long time since i last blogged.. some how i never managed to find the time to sit and accumulate my thoughts and type them down.. anyway too many things have occurred to list out in any order so i am cutting it short. some happy things, some sad things,some irritating things, some calming things and some short bubbly doe eyed cute things have also happened to me.. basically on a roller coaster ride of my life right now.. my exterior is cool, calm and composed.. my interior is a controlled chaotic firework display..I find reason and rage in everything. i find fear in my happiness and doubt in my pleasures.. can it really be? is it too good to be true? Ego seems to be crippled... thoughts are confusingly clear.. i think i sounded profound enough.. haha.

anyway.. the hiking (10th Feb 2007) was a grand success.. million thanks to Arshad, Durga, Yasmin, Tahira and Shanthini for gracing the event despite the last minute dwindle in the numbers. Covered an estimated 20 km.... Macritchie.. Jelugong Towers.. HSBC Tree Top trail.. Rifle Range... PUB water catchment... Bt Timah.. BKE.. Ngee Ann Poly... Al-Ameen ...
Quite surprised that my legs are still in tact.. More suprisingly, the gals hanged on.. they lasted the entire distance despite zoning out and considering to seduce the ah pek for a lift in his pick up.

the hike reminded me of my NS days. it's quite frightening to know the effects of age. 4 years back i was able to run the entire distance in under 2 hours.. now i gotta pray my knees hold up though i am just walking.. sigh.. one more goal added to my new year resolution.. get back to my former fitness glory..who am i kidding.. most probably my resolution will go down the drain the moment i log off.. i need someone to keep pushing me.. my buddies are out.. they worse of then me.. fitness instructors are too expensive.. signing on is not an option... wait a minute i know wat to do.. .... ..... .....

shall write abt it after i have done it..

Is it? Is it not? .... or is it just me?

When does a :

• yes means yes?

• no means no?

• yes doesn't exactly means yes but something else in between?

• no doesn't mean a no but an entirely different thing?

such miscommunication is trivial by itself but have all the potential to gain critical mass over time and erupt as a life changing experience.

Countless times, i have been engaged in confrontations because of such misunderstandings. From friends to family.. Each has his/her own representation to the same word and do they expect me to be a f***ing telepath to understand their rendition of the word? Is it so F***ing difficult to just simply say things as it is? when i confront them back.. they say "you are my family/friend.. you should know me and how i am and what i am? therefor you understand what i meant"...why don't you try UNDERSTANDING me you dimwit. why not try understanding the freaking fact that its damn difficult for me to keep count of various meanings for the same word and apply it accordingly to context while you simply throw your damn words and expect me to decipher what you meant? if i decipher it correctly they say i am being too particular...if i decipher it wrongly they say i read too much in between the lines. what you want me to do then?

They say its a matter of being tactful, considerate, concerned and delicate for the other party.. what does it matter when it deviates from the truth? had nothing against being tactful or concerned or etc.. but at the end see to it that truth is upheld.

The consequences of not upholding the simple truth does not necessarily have to be in epic proportions... it can happen at the mundane level and gain critical mass and grow into a mountain.

[extremely simplified scenario with made up names]

K has been having a rough time in school.. has a particular project he needs alot of help with.. one night, K was confiding his problems to L.. L being a good friend was listening to his probs said in the end dun worry it can be done just call me up again tomorrow and i will see to it.
K was damn glad.. and relieved that his probs have a solution.

K called but L was busy.. K called again the next day but L was again missing in action. K naturally grew uncomfortable calling L again and again but thank goodness he resolved his own probs. L suddenly inquires about the K's project...

K feeling unsettled approached L abt his word to help.. to which L gave a hundred reasons as to why he was not able to deliver. matters got heated up abit after which L said that he was just being friendly and helpful.. he wanted K to feel that there is always hope and even said that K shud have understood him that he was just being nice. kinda funny how the guy who got victimized is now also the offender.

[ the end ]

it is a very simple situation honestly and i believe all of us would have gone through some variations of it. this is just an extremely simple case.. ad we all know that are far more serious ones out there.. and they exist in every form of relationships...

some have advised me that this life ( how the f*** does this equate to life i am not sure guess i am immature). some advised me to relax and people will always be like that (the ones who have seen the life changing experiences.) some advised me that such white lies is what that makes life interesting ( tell ya wat, they bending over and getting their posterior pile driven will make life interesting too.)

i guess its ok when 1 or 2 does it.. but when everyone does it and expect you to understand? that is the time of the past... i have just joined the super heck care grp where i am simply gonna reflect what you give me. thank you for teaching me all that you have, now get ready for a revision.

who gives in.. u or me?

Disclaimer:
-the following article is just a representation of the authors view ( which popped up during a long and lonely bus ride). It's not my intention to spark off a war on gender superiority (as i respect both).
-i believe it should serve as a good reflection point for those who are about to enter the holy instituition of marriage. ( if it doesn't do not screw me)
-i am neither generalizing nor stereotyping anyone... whom ever i referenced to belong to a rising minority.
- bear with the grammatical/ punctuational errors as i am rather sleepy but i feel obliged to share my views....

Nikkah.Holy Matrimony.Kalyaanam. These are the words that have been echoing around me for the past few weeks. Good news ... especially when my close buddies are joining the bandwagon and to be frank its drilling for oil inside my pocket (no offence to anyone). It kind of makes me reflect on my own life, a year back, all i was attending were birthday parties.. now its all weddings... i am getting old..hmmm. Anyway back to the point.

Imagine the ecstacy when you are starting a life/family of your own with the woman/man you have loved for who knows how long...the transition, new responsibilities/priorities, the new face that suddenly is sharing the bed and of course the pay with you.. all these changes despite being frightening.. is something that you are willing to face all for the woman/man you love so much. and when u do enter the instituition of marriage with that special person.. everything becomes surreal.. all we tend to consider and accept are the positive things.. if anyone mentions even the slightest mention of the word/s "what if this( this being somethin negative) happens" and "divorce" , we tend to touch wood ( not sure how it helps tho)...cross fingers and the ever popular "choi"..

my argument is, why assume that it wont happen to you, not that i am being so pessimistic or wat.. i mean, i believe that this is all about balance. just like life and death. we keep company with the constant thought of death to ensure the quality, morality and the integrity of our lives. it doesnt mean that we are planning to die rite.. just like that why not couples keep company with the constant thought of divorce and work against it.. by doing so we automatically enrich our married lives. qualities such as understanding, givin in, compromise and communication and problem solving naturally kick in when we fear the prospect of a separation.

the reason why i brought in such a dark topic was simply because, just recently a close family fren got divorced. it was devastating news considering the fact that the marriage was only 4 months old.. everything was going perfect.. bride and groom loved each other, marriage was with the consent of both families. basically everything was perfect. just that the bride had to move in with the grooms family( which seems ok by my standards) till they get their own flat. Along the course of the next few weeks, guess somethings happened which threw peace and tranquility into the family maelstrom.

[details are ommitted to protect the privacy of the family]

groom's family made some comments that was seen as insensitive by the new bride.
bride retorts and this was not tolerated by the groom and he in turn said some things that the bride was not happy with.

now i would have anticipated the worst case scenario to be the bride to push for their own flat to live apart and by themselves.. but wat happened was that bride one day just came back with a signed divorce paper and asked the groom to sign it.. he was totally taken aback. after countless futile attempts to reconcile, he gave up and just signed it. It all ended there.

Now wats wrong with the outcome? wat went wrong and who is at fault?(not that it matters)
Wouldn't things have turned out better if the girls was just patient? or the guy be more sensitive and understanding.. i am not sayin all the gals in singapore are like this, but i do see it as a rising trend.. gals just opting for divorce when they encounter friction in the marriage. what baffles me most is such things pretty much didnt exist in the generation before us.. our mothers generation basically. a generation in which most were not that highly educated.. what happened to the gals of our gen? did education empower them and liberate them from the "shackles of suppression" that actually sustained the sanctity of the home ?

[the Mothers Gen]

the husband is always rite. whateva the husband does, he still is the husband.. he provides for the family. He ill treats me also nevermind.. i dun wan divorce.. i dun wanna break my marriage..

[the Daughters Gen]

ur head the husband is always rite. wat eva the husband does, basket , will return it with interest. He ill treats me, simple just divorce.. i deserve better.... screw the marriage.

the "shackles of suppression" (despite depriving the woman of her rites at times) sustained the sanctity of family home. why? isnt education suppose to enlighten us and show us a better way? is it a just a fad created by the western world to disintegrate the strength and resolute of the asian woman?
i really dun get it.. i have heard talks abt equal rights .... wat rites? does the female wanna compete with wat the man does? does it make them feel better ? i believe that each gender has its own place in nature.. each has a specific role.. if each is individual then why fite for = rites?

i am not slamming the female species.. in fact i got a longer post on the flaws of men coming up.. but for the time being i have to stop here.. hopefully i get some replies to clarify my confusions.

The Real Lord of Wars

Do not expect it to be a regular action packed, "one man army " against the entire world kinda movie.. In fact, this is not a movie where you are going to come out feeling good at all.. In fact, it makes you think abt the realities or war and consequences of fire arms in the wrong hands ..or rather any hand .

Lord of War, tracks the life of the Ukraninan gun running entrepreneur(who later becomes a superpower in his own rights), Yuri Orlov, played by Nicolas Cage. The entire movie is set in the perspective of Yuri Orlov.. and the opening line " one in 12 people around the world has a gun.. the question is.. how do we arm the other 11?" gives the movie a dark and sadistic feel..

The movie is set at the end of the cold war and there is no more soviet union. Yuri the son of a refugee Ukranian couple living in the states, aspires to become rich and successful and after failed business ventures, decides to capitalize on the massive number of various fire arms left behind in Ukrain by warring nations.. (why did they leave behind the guns? coz it costs more to transport them back then to actually make new ones.) He literally buys the abandonned guns by the kilos at ridiculous prices and ships them off to another country where there is a conflict or a war going on.. and in the process gives us a crash course on econonmics, demand and supply. He keeps the customs at bay with bribes of cash and for those who cant be bribed he resorts to clever tactics (i dun wanna spoil the entire show by revealing it out)..

The funny thing is that Yuri had never handled a gun prior to entering the business..his first sale , a UZI was closed after a 15 min read thru the manual and he pulled it off like as if he had been in the business for years. He has only one protocol, never to get shot with your own merchandise.. which makes no sense to me.. anyway the movie progresses thru the decades and Yuri has established himself as a reliable supplier to the every major warlord, dictator and private armies.. while every one prays for wars and conflicts to end.. its quite funny to see him kneeling infront of the tube and desperately pray for new ones to begin.

Everything is smooth sailing till conscience catches up with him after his brother dies during one of his dealings went bad. He tries to go legitimate for the sake of his wife and son but the past catches up with him and eventually his family leaves him.. and having nothing to lose.. Yuri returns to what he does best.. supplying guns. He now has nothing to fear having the contacts of political big wigs and corrupt govt. officials. the movie ends there.. but its starts you thinking.. Yuri practically opens up your eyes to issues we never knew existed..

In an action movie, we think its cool when the hero shoots down an entire army, but in this movie i almost puked when the nigerian warlords went on a killing spree immediately after makin payment to Yuri. Most of the victims are malnutritioned kids and women. Just when i started to hate this character i realised his purpose is to shed the light on the real lords of war. While private gun runners continue to thrive on fire arms sales...the worlds three biggest gun runners are none other then the U.S , Russia and France... no point screwin the scavengers..

Case of the contraband burgers...

After keeping it a secret for so long.. finally i am compelled to tell my story.. (actually Brinjals brought out my hilariously embarassing episode in the carceral checkpoint room).. anyway picking up from where brinjals left off...

i volunteered to carry all the burgers so that the burden of the rest could be lightened. prior to this.. my colleague and i were having a conversation(just for the fun of it.. not actually planning anythin) abt the possibilities of smuggling contraband goods across the border.. we discussed some methods (again for the fun of it) of actually concealing the goods. at which point, my colleague mentioned that sometimes just openly smuggling the goods will work.. our disussions ended when counter attendent signalled me to come over. After they X-rayed my pouch and the bag of burgers.. a scrawny Police NSF came over to me and told me that i had to follow him to the office..I knew it.. i just knew it.. somehow i had this feeling that i was gonna pay a visit to the check room.. it was one of those gutt feelings.. and it came true.. so i obliged and followed the scrawny Police NSF to the room, along the way tryin to smile and jokingly signal as if i had been hand cuffed to my confused buddies and kepo( not that i blame them) onlookers...

[inside the check room]

there was a major, staff Sgt and the Scrawny Police NSF. the Staff Sgt came over to me. "hmm wat do u have inside there.." i simply replied.."----- burgers" .. after which he went on to give this sinister laughter.. somethin that went like ..." hm hm hm hm.. hm hm. ha ha ha. ha hahaha.. mu haha ha ha ha ha... MUHAHAHAHHAHHA!" try it.. will freak u out. then he told me that burgers were not allowed(which means my burgers have mutated into contraband goods) thru the check point and he asked me to write down my particulars and sign the book.. i have never had my particulars noted down because of mere burgers.. not onli have my burgers become contraband but i have become a smuggler.. cool.. i was told then and there that AVA had not permitted the entry of chickens.. me, being a law abiding citizen simply said.. "is it? i dint know.. can u close one eye this one time and i wont do it again", to which he responded with a re-run of his sinister laughter. the funny part was that while he was readin me the S.O.P for contraband goods (which is to dispose the product then and there..) he was neatly tying up the plastic bag and placed them on the desk.. My gutt feeling was like " yup! we all know where thats going..bon apetite fellas!"... In a desperate effort to salvage what eva i can.. i quickly asked him if could at least bring back the BEEF burgers.. i knew i was getting zilch when he went like " i am sorry sir.. we have already tied up the bag and a guy is coming to collect it". i walked out in agony.. i can imgaine him radio-ing the others " guys we got dinner!".. lookin on the bright side, at least we all had bloody good laugh on the way back.

food for thought: if the chicken is not allowed.. then kindly put up a sign.. we got posters banning almost anythin we can think of..

Innocence re-discovered..

After 3 exhausting days, the WeCAN conference has finally come to an end. I must admit, not all the lectures/ presentations that i attended made complete sense to me. Some topics were too technical for me to comprehend but some were just right. Learnt quite alot of new concepts and managed to get a comprehensive view into the world of Autism (mainly Asperger's Syndrome).

Started to see their situation in whole new light.. just like how we first understood the difficulties of the visually impaired when we blindfolded ourselves ( be it for 3 blind mice or to
experiment). The general misconception is that they(people with aspergers syndrome) are suffering from some incurable disease but the fact is that they are not that different from us. It's just that situations and emotions that we tend to handle quite easily doesn't seem that easily manageable to them. Sometimes even we (so called normal people) can't handle certain emotion and we blow up a mound into a mountain.

For these people, the world is categorized into 2 (to the best of my knowledge, dun sue me, i am not qaulified enough) aspects.. the logical and the literal. If something doesn't make sense to them.. they won't do it. The latter is the more interesting one. It's a simple case of looking at the world in a literal format.. metaphors do not exist on this plane. For example.. today when i purchased a book written by Eric ( he has aspergers syndrome), rather than saying "would you want an autograph?" he said, "do you want my handwriting on this book?" .. though it seemed funny initially, it made complete sense to me later.. No part of my signature is automated to call it an autograph and neither does it have a graph in it.. Here we are thinking we are smart... just call a spade a spade la.. why term it as the device that excavates dirt ? make it short and sweet..
Its such nature of the syndrome, which has led me to believe that they are not capable of being liars.. example again.. prior to buying that book (for which i and yasmin shared cost), he told us that (like a statement of fact in monotone) he still had alot more books to sell in order to break even.. and that he would really like some support.. there was so much innocence in his voice that we decided to buy that book.. he jus melted our hearts not with sympathy but with sincerity. that is when i realised that in certain perspective, it's us who lack in development and not them..

The truth (my perspective of course) is that we are the ones who have complicated our lives to beyond an irrepairable state. Its just so typical of us, what we do not comprehend , we fear. what we fear, we either destroy or keep out of sight hoping it would disappear.. but honestly they are not different from us at all... hmm starting to feel that some of my close buddies could be autistic.

PS: it would be nice to support his quest of breakin even.. the book costs 25 bucks.. jus consider. the author is Eric Y Chen. He is 22 . Its a collection of peoms and his perspectives..

picnic anyone

just a short one.. tot of utilisin all available means
anyone interested in a picnic in december first / second week? its gotta be a weekend so scrap ideas to hold it on the weekdays statin its the school holiday. there are people who are working ( tho i am on school holidays too... spare a tot who are workin...)

Not sure how many ppl are gonna read this blog of mine but its not much of a prob.. will be callin u all up personally as well.. jus do me a favour.. pls tell me a confirmed answer rather than can i tell u when the time comes nearer and then totally forget abt it.. thank you..

PS: i know the pic does not link with a picnic settin.. unfortunately no time to search up a proper one.

Got Piss?

Taking the urine sample had always been quite difficult for me.. be it during the pre-employment check up, or during a normal routine health check up or the mother of all pain in the ass.. the drug test in NS..

[an insight of my thoughts]
I always had a problem in producing urine on demand. It comes when it wants to no one tells me what to do. i may have a full stock but when someone else wants what i am holding in my bladder.. i get too reluctant to share it with them.. its my urine, its mine.. MINE! and somehow i don't feel like peeing anymore. The urge miraculously vanishes. Apparently this is what the professionals(i wonder how many bladder auditions they had conducted) call "shy bladder" ..

To be very honest ... the pre-employment check and the routine health check is not so bad.. they at least respect your privacy and direct you to a closed cubicle toilet when requesting your pee.. there you can at least coax ur rebellious bladder to let loose abit and be more generous with its possession.

The "shittiest" one is the random drug test in NS.. i believe all the guys who had endured NS would understand what i am talking about. The following is the true life incident of myself... who else.

It was cold and beautiful morning.. birds chirping at the window of my bunk... the sun rays.. flooding the ...enough crap.. let me cut to the chase.

[ After the routine roll call and equipment check duties]

myself: maan, wait up.. going bunk rite.. finally can sleep for a while la..
maan: shut up and walk faster la.. u jus wasted 15 seconds of my sleep.
"encik": Oi!!
maan/myself: yesh ENCIK!!!!
encik: where are you running away to? to go sleep rite!
maan: no encik.. going to the OPS ROOM to retrieve the PDV(the primary response vehicle or my unit) key.. Plt 6 LTA requested me to help him encik! it seems that the auditors are coming today so all units to display their best behaviour. Can i proceed Encik!?
[in a daze,looking at maan with my mouth open]
Encik: Din!.. You escaping where ?
Myself: I...er..I oso gonna help Maan encik...
Encik: for wat F***, the key that heavy ah? no need , YOU! go for drug test.. give me ur 11 B and follow me.

[at the testing centre, standing at a corner gettin a carceral feeling as provosts surround me. ]

Provost: Din, ur turn, take the cup and pee into it.. the toilet is there ( ya rite all i see is a urinal and nothin else.. no partition no nothing and it doesnt help that there is another gayish provost who is overlookin u from the back while u pee into the cup and furthermore he looks like he is enjoyin his job.. bad.. very bad.)

- after standing there for abt 5 to 10 mins.. manage to pee something to a substantial level..

provost: Din, ur pee pls( with a colgate smile and passion in his voice)...
provost: not bad...

- DUDE !!! DUN DO THAT.. its freaking sick.. i know our govt has been campaignin for courtesy and service orientation but this is ridiculous.. YOU do not ask for my PEE with so much happiness in ur smile and comment on how good it looks. show some disgust on handling the cup full of my urine la... dumb jack ass.. feel like puking.

myself: can i go now..
provost: ya sure...

[ i dash out of that sick place]

with experinces like this why wudnt i have difficulty in peein on demand... hey guys.. anything similar to share? ;)