Paper....

Finally.
We are Teachers now.
Before, we were not.
We are doing the same thing now,
that we did before.
So,
are we Teachers or are we not?

Self-Explanatory...

a clogged sinus and a coffee later...

Yes. I am officially cranky. For today at least. My head's every movement is amplified thanks to fluids clogging up my sinus cavities. Whats more irritating is that it (the sinus clogging ) came almost instantly. One sneeze was all it took.

So. Today is not really a good day to come up to me and open a grand topic on Life and the frailty of friendships. I can tolerate the nonsensical views of Life that you have ( everyone is entitled to their own opinions ). But i can't tolerate you canvassing your lack of efforts in maintaining a friendship as it (friendship) being frail. Most importantly, enough of the train analogy dude ( you were lucky i wasn't feeling well). Really enough is enough. I hope that your analogy was tuned to local context. Meaning, I hope you were referring to local trains. So here's me putting my perspective into this age old adage (no pun intended).

Enough of you and the people you meet in your life as passengers on the train you are taking. And enough of the people having to exit at various stations like how friends move away at stages in your life. Dude.. wake up ... Here at least in Singapore the MRT makes return journeys. True you may make a journey from one end of the island to the other ... but you also make the return journey. So does the guy who got off along the way.. you are probably going to see him again in the following day ( He also has to go to work rite). Funny thing is, the MRT can act as a perfect guide to how we should handle our friendships. You get off when your station arrives to carry on with your life. Then you get back on and meet the same people again going back home..All heading together for the brief moment of time and then when its time to alight... you alight.

As for the friends who disappeared amidst the stages in your life, they would have been there if they wanted to . So re-assess the friendship. Alternatively, maybe its just you who abandoned them in the so called evolution of friendships. You know like the saying goes " Has the world turned its back on you , or is it you who turned your back on the world". Stop feeding the vicious cycle and stop masquerading like a sage who has seen it all and done it all. Idiot.

I can't breathe through my nose anymore. sinus is bad. i am gonna hit the sack. good night.

Me..Me...Me.

I am standing on an atoll and i am staring back at the events chaptering my life's history. Many of which i still feel that i shouldn't have experienced till this day. But then again, there's nothing in my Birth Cert that states "LIFE: Fair". There are many sayings. "Everything has its time and place", "Time will heal" and etc. Many revolving around time.

Time.. It's scary. It can nurture professional malaise in you or it can bring you the due promotions that you have been slogging for. It can bring you through the dark and tremulous times of your life and yet its the one that brought you there in the first place.It fuels you with anticipation and excitement, and can also serve you a cold hard dish of disappointment. Simply put its ironic and contradicting. They say that "Times have changed" , I say that time is the only constant and its us who change.

Time taught me alot of things and i too learned it well. But i have one more lesson to learn. Humility in despair. Having experienced so many of my(self-proclaimed) lifes turmoils, i have grown to think that everyone else's problems are trivial. To each his own problems. But I can't be blamed entitrely... what's a relationship problem compared to a funeral in the family... btw laptop battery dying so i end here. what an anti-climax!

Baby got an upgrade...

Hmmm never really intended to upgrade anything at first. I merely wanted to bring Habiba in for a long overdue tune up. Front brakes were not responding too well and there was an annoying creeking sound from the handlebars. Other than that nothing else.

The mechanic saw me dismounting from my bike and he immediately told me, "bro, i got 2 recommendations for you... other than that everything is ok with your jamis".

1) Tires (not urgent la.. maybe 3 more months down)
2) Brakes.( Urgent )

So we were walking around his shop browsing all the brakes and rotors. He was giving me the ups and downs of all the brakes. Initially thought of getting a hydraulic brake but he personally recommended a ball bearing one. He won me over with well laid out reasoning and intrinsic "practical" advice. He also saved me quite a bit in cost. Personally, i would recommend HUP LEONG Pte Ltd to anyone if they are planning to get a bike and good after sale services.

So ya, Habiba now rides with a pair of Avid BB7 MTN ( starting to sound like Nisa)brakes.

Help Lines

In case if the frame doesnt load.... visit mentoshelpline

Truly Unwound... for the day at least.

I know i titled my entry as something associated with relaxation, but let me start off with some frustrations.

I am frustrated that i can't seem to spend my hard earned free time, the way i want to. If its not commitments guzzling my time, its always some screw up for the day that requires me to waste my hours trying to rectify the problem. Then, there is this thing called reservist, which absolutely is a bloody waste of my time. One entire week ... poooffff , just like that.

I am frustrated... Despite having so little time, i still do take the effort to stay in touch and organise something up so that all of us can meet up. But why does it always have to end in catastrophe? I mean all you have to do is just confirm if the set date is fine with you and remember that day. But No!!!!! You have to belittle all of my efforts... Whatever your reasons are.... Screw it. Thank you.

You know what really frustrates me? The bloody lack of initiation on your part. You won't lift a finger to initiate, won't organise and won't give me proper confirmation... the least... just turn up. Since i am doing all of the work that you will never do even if i wait a century.

I was about to give up. Then something happened. Nisa calls up to meet at about 4 pm at Sentosa, along with Faizul. Sounded great especially since i was not organising it. Took my bike in the morning and rode around everywhere in southern Singapore. Then rode over to Palawan Beach. Really burnt all the excess energy i accumulated through all the frustrations.
It was really nice actually. No agenda , no planning. Just us in the evening sky and frolicking in the water swimming laps(sort of), talking cock in middle of the lagoon while tredding water. Catching up after a long time. Kinda miss the ol' times when we all used to work together... All these fun was just a corridor away. It was an extremely simple meet but it did wonders for me. It totally calmed me down. Should really thank Nisa and Faizul. Then the fun continued at Seah Im Hawker Centre. Talk more cock while indulging in overrated and over priced food. But the price didn't matter, the company did. It was very relaxingly fun... Anyway here are some pics from our endeavours. Nisa has most of the nicer pics.

Weight flies when you are having fun....

Picked up cycling quite recently. Not that i didnt know how to cycle or wat.. but just that i gave cycling enough consideration to make it a hobby and a prime mode of transport to work.

I must say it was horribly difficult at first. Bodyaches, breathlessness and the weird way of walking after dismounting from your bike, like as though someone shoved something up your somewhere. But as time went by, it became fun. All it took was just one week for my body to adapt. After that it was really really fun. So i started investing in a helmet, a bag , gloves and a water bladder.

There alot of advantages to cycling. You do not get stuck in traffic jams. You are not limited to just the road ( i pity road cyclists ). You get to the destination faster ( assuming that your destination is reasonably nearby). You save a ridiculous amount of money in transport. You get to blow off some steam when you are pissed ( which i am beginning to do everyday). And most importantly, you can lose weight fast. I did! All 8 Kilos, now i look pathetically scrawny and requests are coming in from everyone to put on someweight.

So its about time i bulked up a abit... just a teeny bit.. they say that its very helpful to have a picture in mind when you are planning to bulk up. So, heres mine.

Just randomly....again

Nunbuns, i appreciate your eagerness for an update on my site but kindly understand that i was in reservist. If you desperately need your daily fix of raascal's connundrums.. you can feel free to subscribe .. only SGD 19.99 / month.
Serving my reservists somehow allowed me to reflect on alot of touchy or slightly sensitive issues. I shall dedicate another entry to my revelations in Reservist to add the weight to the banes of our multiracial society. Racism or Economic Practicality, we shall discuss it another time.

On a lighter note, been looking around for a chainstay protector for my bicycle. Freaking hell, they cost anywhere from 4 bucks to 40..... What the crap? So, when i was walking around aimlessly , a "why didnt i think of that?!" moment suddenly hit me. Went straight back home started ripping apart all the fabrics in the house with a very curious mother overlooking my shoulder. After a good one and a half hour of ripping, cutting, pasting , pulling , wiping and cursing....

Behold.......





Not bad for an amateur if i say so myself....
till mom asked why does my bike look as if its draped in a sari.

Just randomly...

I am tired. Really. All I got was reasons, so give me one more.. to continue.

little surprises..

Shan and Tahira.... Thank You.

Santosh Subramaniam

Santosh Subramanian, a delightful family entertainer. Doesn't waste valuable time in unnecessary fights, punch dialogue and needless sentiments. Introduces the plot immediately and sustains it beautifully through out the movie. Kudos to the director. I must say this is definitely one of Ravi's best movies i ever saw. I loved the background score and Genelia will always be my darling.
This is how far i am going to review the movie simply because i was never really good at writing it.

Here's a micro synopsis:
The film primarily revolves around a father and son relationship with the father's dote on his son ironically leaving a bitter taste with the latter. The son's choices and his wants to achieve something in life are always subdued by his father's. The father has a justification in the form of his dream, that is to build a dream house. When it comes to his son's marriage, the son breaks his shackles of respect only to experience the newly found independence. The film concludes with the father's repentance on his foolishness and the happy marriage of the protagonists.

Somehow this film really appealed to me. Not sure why though. Maybe i was able to relate to some of the key moments depicted in the movie. In an Indian culture, our parents are always in key roles relating to everything. From the mundane to the monumental. Tradition and Respect are not to be trifled with. Its even backed by my religion. To hurt your parents is a downright sin.

My parents always knew whats best for me right from my birth. When young, always knowing what i should wear. What to eat. How to dress. What hairstyle. You name it, they would have done it. Now though i can understand their love, sometimes it becomes overbearing. Yet i can't bring myself to voice it out for the very fundamental reason for their actions is love. I simply accept while eating away at myself from the inside.

When everyone was laughing at the protagonists antics when trying to voice out his displeasure, i was for once, seriously engulfed and i told Mr. Protagonist, " i know how you feel dude". I could sense my family giving me the "whats wrong with you " look.

However, there is one point that really hit me... and i hope it hit my family too. At a particular scene, the protagonist mother would be asking the father, how much he knew about the son. Who the son was at home would not be who he is outside home. Which is really true. I often had arguments with my parents whenever they proclaimed that they knew me like the back of their hands thus they know whats best for my future.. Many times i have found myself at a fix trying to explain this theory to them. They retort by asking me " So you are saying that you are putting up an act at home is it?". How like that. Who i am at home is just a small percentage of who i am overall. So i gladly took the opportunity to nudge my mom and told her " you get what she is saying rite?".

The other similarity between the hero and me is our parents persistence to arrange our marriages. Frankly i am ok with both arranged or loved marriages. Ultimately home holds the highest sanctity for me and i know for sure that a wife out of an arranged marriage would safe guard it. But considering what i might gain in a loved marriage and the points proved through this wonderful entertainer, now i think i mite be more inclined towards marrying a girl whom i love first. ( i can already hear one darling manjan rooting for me ;-)

Its one of those movies that leaves you in a surreal feeling when the credits roll out... Go catch it.

Miracles...

Miracles, they exist. In plain sight.
Miracles, I have come to realise, are a matter of perception. Just like how one would view the concept of luck and coincidence. It materializes to those who believe and remains a mirage to those who are skeptical.

But aren't we all skeptics? Demanding rationale, justification and results as pre-requesites in order to believe... In this day and age, we have to dig deep into our minds crevices just to find faith being subjugated by logic and reasoning. What's the point then? If faith has to be verified, then, it's just a fact.

But i guess God anticipated our curiosity. Which could be why, HE peppered hints to prove the existence of faith and its miracles, yet at the same time made them subtle to protect their sanctity. Simply put, ( I assume) He created one of the biggest conundrums( perspectives) to ensure only true believers are able to bear witness to miracles..
I used Faith and Miracles interchangeably, for both them require the same to condition to exist. You need to believe.

Till recently, my definition of a Miracle had always been the occurence of the impossible. But not any more. Life itself is a miracle. The very breath i draw is a miracle. I met a man who some time back who opened my eyes to a number of miracles. By doing so , he helped me re-affirm my beliefs ( ironically i needed proof to believe as well).

Tahira's Uncle was diagnosed with cancer and it was terminal. He soldiered on against it for a mind blowing 1.5 years. I visited him a number of times.. Each time he taught a lesson. Once when i was sitting next to him thinking how much worse is he going to suffer, as if he read my thought bubble, he gives a smirk and looks to his brother . And as if given a que, his brother tells me the story of Prophet Ayub. A very timely lesson indeed.

On another visit, i was sitting next to him thinking why is he being tested so much considering he is a very pious man. Through him i saw one more of HIS miracles. Through his bed ridden sufferings, he united an entire fueding family and gave each of them a second chance to mend broken fences and make ammends.

Uncle gave a gift to everyone there during his passing. I pray that all of them can see the gift and appreciate it.

After a very long time, I teared. As the first drops rolled down my cheeks, i realised why life was so frail. For if it wasn't, we as human beings, simply would have taken it for granted. The most important lesson came when the tears hit the earth and dried up. Every day we get to live is a miracle. Just like how the tears evaporated, so does the days that were loaned to us by HIM. Make everyday count.

My meetings with Uncle was the biggest miracle in my life yet. Insha Allah, if i get to live long enough, i shall try my best( Insha Allah) to be of some purpose and direction to others (like how Uncle was to me) before my life comes to a close.

Uncle, you will always live on in my heart and iin my prayers. Thank you for opening my eyes.

Proposed running route..

Just...

Time:

It is tough scavenging for time for anything. I am busy, but what am i occupied with? I don't know. Work? Home? Or practicum? Though i found practicum not as intimidating as i thought it would be, I still found myself with a lack of time for my social life and activities. I have incarcerated myself to the confines of my room to an extent my mom feels as if I am a tenant in a sublet room. I must admit i find it funny when she occasionally pops in to ask for rent.

My Life:

Pathetically, it revolves around going to work and coming back home. It is mundane. Really... Except for the occasional runs i have with Ah Bin , Amanda and gang and ..... myself. Apart from desperately trying lose my tummy, I guess it's my way of pacifying myself: that i am active in my social life ( or the lack of). This succinct paragraph bears witness to my exciting life.

My Friends:

Recent developements- I believe that you can never be close friends with colleagues . But Life has a funny way of throwing little surprises. Once in a while you tend to find those really special some ones that you can be absolutely yourself with.... and yeah , you don't mind making sandwiches for them too with egg.. and mayo... and sauce.

The Constants- All of you, even a well developed bond has the propensity to erode, thanks to complacency and lack of intrinsic communication. I guess you all know what i am talking about.

My take :

The HDB flats seem to resemble more of pigeon holes. The MRT has become the icon of a Singaporean lifestyle. The CTE Jam seems like my pay increments. Gmaps just enlightened me to how crowded my country is. I have lost all hopes that i will ever see my CPF money in my lifetime. ( I wont dare to write any further on my takes).

Miracles:

It's everywhere. Miracles occur everywhere and everytime. It just doesn't resemble those that we have in mind. Lately i have been blessed to view some of them in action in real time. But i will blog about it in detail another time. I feel that it deserves more weight than just me superficially pointing at it.

To a beautiful Manjan ( term of endearment that will only be understood by that particular person actually, not a racial slurr):

You are a bloody pain in my ass. If i tell you that i can't run and that i need sleep ... you listen .. Don't argue! Sitting upright and putting a bolster on your face will not get you anywhere. But i must admit. You are one stubborn babe. I actually pity your boyfriend.

To all Aunties and Uncles:

Please.. thank you so much for trying to find me a bride. But really.... Don't you all have anything better to do....

On a random note:

Zayed received the honour of being featured on my 100th post.

You and Me, Zed.

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything he does is beautiful
everything he does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive

Just you and me, Zed..

Hamster give away

Hey all those hamster lovers out there...check out this link. i am not a hamster lover... but support a fren la....
http://sheylara.com/2008/04/13/sheylara-great-hamster-giveaway

The Forgotten Entry.

The following is an excerpt from a draft left unfinished from April 2005. The original words are those in italics the normal ones are my current thoughts. Just to gauge how far i have come.

Warning: Following entry may contain some strong language which could be an anti-thesis of this normally fun filled and crappy blog. You have been warned.

2005

Friendships that were forged through adolescence and coalesced into a band of brothers through our struggles in hell and high water. Hell and high water, my creed of late. They say that change is the only constant in life. I somehow feel that pain and misery make good company to change as well. Many times i have woken up with anticipation of the next f***ing shit i have to face in the day. Peace of mind is only truly attained when you are six feet underground ( which itself is becoming scarce in Singapore) .
My only reprieve, that i got to spend some time of my still seemingly insignificant existence with you by my side.. My friend.

This is a tribute to all the hard-asses who bruised with me in the name of friendship through all of Life's punishing gauntlets to date. Hard asses whom are warriors in their own rights. Warriors in whom i discovered the arcadia for loyalty.

Is blood really thicker than water? I doubt so. If communication itself is a barrier then where is understanding going to come from? F*** the notions of piety.. When it every man for himself.

This is a tribute to a family that is still in cohesion, despite the storms that at many times, almost blew us apart. To a family that proved in its weird ways that blood is thicker than water through the very fights that threatened its existence. So weird that i still cant find the words to describe it. Yet i am grateful that i had it in my most desperate moments.

What good is a God who can do no good at all? How long more are You going to keep striking me down? What did i do to be put down all the time? Where is the fairness? What kind of a judge are you? Where is the strength that i prayed for? I asked for peace of mind and all you gave were more headaches. I can take no more.. i am falling to my knees.
It's funny.. all i had to do when i was on my knees, was to lean further and i was in the perfect position to pray. Din, you asked for strength and you got it. How else would you be able to survive through all that you did.. How else would you have been able to be a shoulder to cry on despite your own problems. Grow up Din. Grow up. You asked for peace, didn't you get the best sleep in years after slogging for the well being of others? Have faith Din, HE knows what you need and HE has always given it to you in due time. What you don't have now is what you don't need now.


PS:
What were these gauntlets, hell and high water that i am talking about? They are not some scene off the Armageddon movie. They are from our very lives.
The financial crunches. The despair of failing. The burden of responsibilities. The heart breaks. Funerals.The regrets. Flawed expectations. Misunderstandings. Feuds. Pettiness. Feel free to add on.

Jamis Durango 1.0

Nisa: As you requested,these are the pics of my new wife... so wats ur verdict?

It's official. You can trust me to make some of the dumbest mistakes in my life.. shall elaborate to you when we get to catch up.. haha..

Habiba and Me...

A colleague came up to me today. She asked, " Din , what was the car that you used to drive?". A question that brewed an instant storm within me. A question that flicked the spotlight on a memory that had absconded me for quite a number of months now. How easy it is lose ourselves and all those that mattered to us whilst struggling to keep up in this race called life.

Simply put, Habiba( "beloved" in Arabic) was my car....A tiny 1 liter Subaru Justy with a feisty heart of a champion for an engine underneath its hood. A speed demon at 130kph, remains humble and plays it down to 90kph on the speedometer.( Waseem perceived that Habiba's speedometer is impaired while blazing the roads enroute to Senkang on the CTE).

Habiba was more than just a car to me. I bought that Justy from my friend Habib and thus i named it Habiba. Very soon Habiba grew its own character. Our relationship is one that could be understood if you had watched the movie "Herbie".

Habiba entered my life at a very critical stage. A stage where i was defining my own identity. She was my friend who was always with me till i got home, sheltered me from a stormy night, brought me out whenever i had temper tantrums and most importantly she helped me forge and catalyse some friendships that are my pillars of strength till today.

I feel so lost without you. I miss you so much.. yet somehow i feel your presence.. are you in the coke can i am drinking from right now?

So many memories...Mom always sleeping in the back seat during a drive. Tahira's endeavours with Habiba during her convocation. The many nights of ferrying my buddies back to their homes after their late night stints in NUS. The convenience of running at once unreachable locations. Sending Durga back home after long chatting sessions. Chandra driving Habiba around with one eye after a cist removal in NUH . Yasmin Begum scorching her hand when she touched the door handles after Habiba baking in a mid day sun. So much memories that its impossible to list them all.. sigh.. Of course then there is the fetching of my, (then) love of my life to her home from SIM.

The entry of Habiba awarded me with number of "firsts" in my life.
1) The first guy in the family/friends to OWN a car... not borrow his/her parents car and i was only 23. Hell YEAH!
2) The first car itself being a Subaru
3) The first time i brought a girl to view a sunset from kent ridge park
4) The first birthday candles blown on top of Habiba in a remote carpark during my birthday.
I can keep going at it but its just going to get lamer.

The irony is that Habiba died on my birthday. I buried her and used the remains of her PARF value for a cab ride back. A simple question blasted the flood gates on long forgotten memories of a darling that i will never get back. This entry is a tribute to you, Habiba. May you rest in peace in whichever aluminium can you have been recycled into.

Habiba