Gran Turismo...Mountain Biko...

Somehow, after all the meandering in my plans and my routes since 6 am this morning, Ieventually managed to get to the Kent Ridge Bike Trails... and with good company too, Yusuf, a proud owner of an already scratched up brand new GT Avalanche 3.0.

It was all great fun. From deviating at Pasir Panjang at 6.30 am to meet up with Yusuf at Botanic Gardens for Mutton Murtabak ...to proceeding to Kent Ridge Trails and getting our amateur tail feathers plucked. Then, finally, after lunch, cycling all the way to Chin Swee Road to view helmets and to change my tire. Simply a superb workout that was capped with an uphill peddle to the top of Mt. Faber.

Kent Ridge is a damn cool trail albeit very technical ( ... and i mean very technical) . All that skidding, falling, banging against trees and pathetic pushing of bikes up slopes affirmed our novice skill level. I have acquired some cool scratches on my leg though it can't be seen as it is covered with all the hair on my leg and some cool bruises on my back as well. My Jamis acquired some scratches and its rear tire had to go. Got it a new Maxxis Cross Mark Tire as a present for handling so well despite my inexperience on the trails and more importantly on the bike itself.

So ya, thats about wraps up my eventful day today... and Yeah!!! NISA... you are not the only one who can put up pictures from your trail rides ok! Here is our pics... hahahah

It's the freaking wasted holidays.

It's sad that the holidays this year were a total waste. A sad waste. A very sad waste. I think I've had enough. Now back to work...

We're all meant to live for so much more...

"Meant To Live"

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

Long time no see...

It's been almost 2 months since my last post. I am at a point where i am not so sure what i want to address in my blog anymore.. part of me wants to streamline the events of this blog to serious issues in life... while the other part is like struggling to break away from being too serious.. Like a conflict of interest.

Anyway, time has become such a valued commodity to me nowdays that when i finally have it, i spend a good portion of it trying to prioritise how i want to spend it. At the end of it i feel so short changed. There has been a very drastic change in me ever since i began my studies. I am spending longer hours away from friends and family. I tried assuring myself that its all a small sacrifice for the degree that i have been longing for and after it's accomplished i can go back to my usual lifestyle. Well this is where i feel i am taking things for granted. There is no guarantee that things will reamin the same way you left it... Constant communication is paramount.

On a lighter note... i called up an old camp mate of mine. The following is our conversation.
Din (which is me): [waiting for James to pick up the phone].......Then he picks up...
Din: James.....Din here.... how've you been?
James: Who?
[there is some interruption from static so i repeated]
Din: JAMES!!!!!!! DIN !!!!! here la...
James: Ya right ! then i am JAMES!!!! BOND!!!!!
Din: Dei M*****, its me Din la....
James: Oh sorry dude.. hahah.. i tot u were one of those annoying prankster cousins of mine..
[ the story goes on and mindless and fruitless conversations follow which i am going to spare you from]

My Darling for sale.... Jamis Durango.

AVID BB7 disc brakes and 24 speed Shimano gearing give the Durango 1.0 a solid performance footing and plenty of potential for skills growth, but at a price that lets you hit the trail without stripping your finances. Same ultra-refined Jamis geometry and frame as the rest of the Durango line, and the handling manners that go with them. Identical wheels and tires with the Durango 3.0 give you plenty of traction over challenging terrain, so you can ride with confidence and make the most of the Durango’s impeccable climbing and handling.

I invested in total 800 plus bucks on this bike.. and its only 6 mths old and its virtually scratchless. Plus i just recently upgraded the brakes to SRAM AVID BB7 and Shimano cranks. Planning to sell off this bike as i want to try other types of bikes...

ASKING PRICE: $650.00 ( Negotiable)

SPECS
Sizes	19"
Colors	Ano Silver

Frame & Fork
Frame Construction	TIG-welded
Frame Tubing Material	7005 aluminum
Fork Brand & Model	SR Suntour XCM, 100mm travel
Fork Material	Aluminum/steel, single crown
Rear Shock	Not applicable

Components
Component Group	Mountain Mix
Brakeset	AVID BB7 brakes
Shift Levers	Shimano ST-EF29 EZ Fire STI
Front Derailleur	Shimano Acera, top-pull/clamp-on 31.8mm
Rear Derailleur	Shimano Alivio
Crankset	Truvativ Isoflow, 22/32/44 teeth
Pedals	Aluminum cage w/clips & straps
Bottom Bracket	Truvativ Power Spline
BB Shell Width	Unspecified
Rear Cogs	8-speed, 11 - 32 teeth
Chain	KMC IG-31, 1/2 x 3/32"
Seatpost	Aluminum micro-adjust, 27.2mm diameter
Saddle	WTB Speed V Sport SE
Handlebar	Aluminum MTB
Handlebar Extensions	Unspecified
Handlebar Stem	Jamis Alloy Threadless
Headset	1 1/8" threadless Tange TG-4

Wheels
Hubs	Formula disc
Rims	WTB SpeedDisc, 32-hole
Tires	26 x 2.00" Hutchinson Scorpion
Spoke Brand	Stainless steel, 14ga. (2.0mm) straight gauge
Spoke Nipples	Unspecified

Uniquely Singapore...

Having almost everything imported [including ideas, events and structures], I have always wondered what was soooooo unique about Singapore. The Casino, London Eye.... oops i meant the Singapore Flyer and the F1 races. You get the drift [no pun intended].

So, i voiced out my question to a friend [ think Uniquely Singapore...] after the usual Carribbean swim. He was quiet but only for a few seconds... then in his sporadic moments of patriotism, gave me a reply which dumbfounded me...really!

Me : "Mike, what the hell is so unique about Singapore mike? Why are we always copying ideas from abroad. When is the world going to copy us for a change? I mean, come on mike, F1? Why not import Cricket World Cup?

[ after moments of silence ]

Him: "Mike!! What the hell are you talking mike! Look at that tiny land ( pointing to the strip of land where now Meryll Lynch stands)... Did you ever believe that a tall building can be erected amidst all these over crowded buildings?! BUT WE DID mike!!! thats uniquely Singapore!"

Him: "Mike!! Look at that Flyover mike, did you ever think it was possible to build such a huge flyover over an already existing and busy road?! Did you mike? BUT WE DID , thats uniquely Singapore Mike! How can you ask such a question mike!?

Me: I felt like singing Majulah Singapura at that moment..

Of -isis and -fications

Lessons are going good so far. Must hand it to the lecturer. Good articulation, witty humour and excellent content knowledge.

On the other hand, Anatomy class feels as if i am learning French. Still getting used to keeping company with skeletons and this huge chart with names of every muscle and bone and yeah, ligaments as well. Everything ends with and -isis or a -fication. So its only natural when the lecturer asked me, "what happens when calcium builds up on your heels?" and i so intellectually scream out CALIFORNICATION!!!

.......

Of... M.I.A and New beginnings

Work really caught up with me. Can't believe that the final term could herald in so much paperwork , undue stress and so much commitments. New team members are not really making things any easier as well. I hate it when specialization affects team dynamics and suddenly everything falls into a top down approach. Well fasting month is over, so its about time people get put into their places.

On the other hand, i have embarked on a new phase of life. Not marriage though... its the workdent[ working student ] phase( not sure if such a term exists or not but what the heck..). I have finally jumped into the ocean, lets hope i float.

The Matrix

Welcome to the Matrix.....
I am the human battery...
I don't care who you are, just plug yourself into the system.

The system is very safe, peaceful and stable and it takes care of our basic needs.
All you have to do is work the daylights off and sometimes some moonlight as well.
And for whatever leftover moonlight, retreat into the pigeon holes and recharge.
Set aside some earnings so that you never see or touch it again.
When you are in your 30's reproduce to stalk up on future battery supply.

Welcome to the Matrix....
I wish was Neo.

To: Dear God

Allah, I know not what is right and what is wrong.
For i am nothing but a puny human being.
I am neither wise nor strong,
and I am at a crossroad into which I wandered without seeing.

I have lost much sleep,
thinking and re-thinking...
of the repercussions should I fail, that's mine to keep.

I know now that tomorrow is not mine to control.
That its destiny ordained by you,
And in due time, it will unroll.

Forgive me for all that I have taken for granted.
My Family, friends and many more whom are unstated.
For when I was engulfed in my darkness,
You sent me rays of hope through their kindness.

Allah, I know not what is right or what is wrong.
And I have decided to go ahead with my degree.
Please be my guide and be my strength...
For none is beyond your decree.

Bless me in my attempt and should I fail,
give me strength to bear repercussions flail.

Please be my strength and my guide for i am neither wise nor strong,
and i know not what is right and what is wrong.

Yours sincerely and desperately,
Mohidin Shaniz Malik S/O Sajakan M. M. Musthafa

There is no Grey...today

Faith:

Is it strict adherence to a doctrine that is yet to be understood by the common man? Or is it the assimilation of HIS commands in true acceptance?

Family:

Is it subjugation, with Sentiments as its judge and jury? Or is it voluntary sacrifice, to endorse a smile that is not your own?

Friends:

Are they merely pit stops in the race called life? Or are they the stop to all the pits in the race called life?

When applause is due...

I am really not the arty farty kind. Neither am I the culture vulture sort who speaks with a strong and often phony accent. I don't fancy artistic past times such as theatre or musicals. Whatever play that I have attended, I did so in my bermudas and not in some suit. There was always a possibility of being denied access for under dressing, but what is life without uncertainties.. haha.

Anyway yeah, I happened to be at one of the most unlikely venues on Sunday, 17th August... The Arts House... and yeah in my bermudas as expected when Chandra and Durga were more ... shall i say that they had more clothes on them then myself... Chandra initiated a pseudo short film marathon at a ridiculous price of $5.00. I was there because I had 5 bucks to spare... other than that I hated short films.

When I first viewed them 10 years back, it failed to appeal to me in any bloody way. The short films were too abstract and too "artistic" for my taste. I felt that the filmmakers were desperately fitting into borrowed shoes and assimilating foreign artistry. Something that doesn't go down well with me. Its like an Ah Beng/ Mat/ Mama speaking in European accent. Furthermore the people whom i met, people associated with the Arts field, always were exclusive, as if they were above the common man. This just worsened the distaste i had for short films and the arts scene.


So, I leaned back into my seat, waiting to sleep soundly. But i couldn't. There was something different about the compilation of films. They had matured and over the years had found their own identity and best of all, they had vulgarities ( which makes it real). I was blown away actually. By the second short film, i already had my money's worth and it was only getting better.

There were 16 shortfilms all together. Though all of them had substance and quality, these were my favourites.

My Blue Heaven / Director : Yee Wei Chai
[ A coming of age dark comedy, about a little boy who lives with his abusive father, and how a fateful afternoon of watching his father's porn videotape, turns his life upside down]

Zo Gang / Director : Jacen Tan
[Filmmaker wannabe, Ah Tan, is sick of his day job. He discusses and pokes fun at local film and music , while plotting his path to become Singapore's next great director. A dark comedy about the difficulties of making a film in Singapore] ... this is really damn good.. and hilarious.

I really had a very good time at the short film screening and i am really impressed with how far the scene has come. I applaud the directors and all creative technicians and of course the actors for imbuing so much quality and "heartlanderness" into what once was a borrowed fad. I wish them all further success in their futures and i just want them to know that they have earned one more fan... me.

the small surprises in life..

I've been on a 5 days MC thanks to the extraction of my wisdom teeth. Everyone went like .."wah! 5 days ah, shiok ah!" . Please, there is a reason why i am given 5 days. Because i need that long to recover to a decent level. I had stitches in my gums that were sewed to my inner cheek. That tore everytime i yawned, smiled, coughed, sneezed or even opened my mouth. My diet was severely affected which in turn affected my energy level and aggravated my crankiness and lethargy.

I can't do any vigorous exercise as it makes me hungry and i can't eat any solid food.. let alone open my mouth, so you get the picture.. I have been cooped up for a week inside my home and i have been feeling miserable. Going nuts actually..

Watching TV didn't help either. All i saw was Beijing Olympics... Give me a break.. I am thankful to the friends who dropped by and i am very thankful to the darling manjan for keeping me company through all of my whims.

And i am very thankful to the totally unplanned trip to Mt Fab. Such wonderful company, crazy antics and extreme cuteness made up for a very dull and miserable week. From potentially haunted churches to abandoned mansions... it was a laugh riot spooking the other out. I actually felt sad saying bye to my company. damn... hahaha.

Now with Gods grace i can pack on the pounds that i lost over the week. But i must admit.. i realize that i have taken alot of things for granted.. this time it was the simple everyday food that i so often throw away or leave un-eaten.. There is a lesson to learn in every experience..

ok i am off to watch Man VS Wild 2.. ciaoz.

The devil of necessity

I am not a saint. I never was actually, though I have tried countless times before. I must admit I have mellowed down. Constant pounding of hard choices, ruthless prioritising and heavy expectations on me has affected me. How I think, act and re-act ... all have toned down to a point where I do not see my previous self anymore. Some call this growing up. Some call it maturing.. I say.. whatever... like i have choice like that. Gone were the days where I reacted with force, vulgarities and a clenched fist ( to think of it i can only recall 5 events in school and 2 in NS).

I found myself standing infront of the mirror and telling myself " Look, you are 26, you are a teacher, becarefull how you carry yourself, anything you do can jeopadise yourself and those around you." Reminding myself of unnecessary repurcussions and conditioning myself to turn innert.

But today i realised that there are some things that strike me on a nerve level. Issues that propell me into actions without any thinking at all. I realised that any issue that undermines my family or its name or potentially tarnishes its image and or integrity, cause me to lose my sense of rationality very easily. Chief amongst the Family... is the Mother. Any negative or undermining act/intention / remark against the Family ( and most importantly the Mother) will be met with very strong force even if its at the expense of my name or integrity..and i don't give a flying f*** where i am when i deliver and i really don't give a damn about those who become sushi in the process.

I so thank God that none of my friends had been implicated in such issues.. But just to round my thoughts off.. Any stranger who undermines my family will get it hard. Any friend who undermines my family will get it harder... And if its a family member...good luck...

I am not going to elaborate on what i did today.. i am not proud of it. really. But in retrospect. I will also admit that there is a very small possibility that i might have over-reacted slightly. But none the less the family was undermined.. so i reacted.. Now that i have cooled down, i believe that i owe some apologies... on second thought... i owe only one apology, to the vegetable who got slaughtered for a mutton briyani.

The Team mates.

The Triathlon Team mates. The impossible has happened... Chandra and Waseem agreed. Normally i would keep things low key till i managed to achieve them. But in this case i am announcing it to the world because when a word is given in public, you will be obliged to keep it. I can already see Chandra's enthusiasm to take part...

Faizul, bro, i know that you asked me to join up with you.. but considering that your knee is in shit condition, its best that you rest it out first... Live to die another day ok?

Nisa: I will meet up with you asap once my stitches are out.

Its Done

The wisdom teeth are finally out. Would love to elaborate more on my experiences but i am rather tired of staring at the screen. So in true Raascal tradition.. i leave you all my pictures...

A prayer before i go....

Dear God.

Please forgive me for all the sins i have committed. Knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly.

Please forgive my idiocy to willingly sit on the dentist chair.

Please give me the strength to bear with some stout chinese (assumingly) fella injecting my gums.

Please give me the "Rambo"ness to keep my mouth open in the midst of the excruciating pain.

Please prevent my pride from getting bruised. (I am not going to have my teeth anymore.. at least allow me to have my pride in tact)

Please let every iota of pain feel like........(ermmm nevermind)....... the relief of a much needed sneeze.

Please, if the world has to end one day... let it end before 2pm today .. not after..

Please cancell my previous order.. i love too many people here too much to see them die for my pain. Don't worry Priyanka Chopra, Anne Hathaway and Genelia, you all are safe.

Please save me!!!

Flower

I am like a flower. Really ... I am . When it comes to the dentist.

In my life I have tolerated many pains. I have suffered the pain of broken bones , fractures, sprains, incisions, lacerations, contusions and many other pains ending with "ions". I also have endured the pains of heartbreaks, hardknocks and even hard-headed people. Often times, I have raised the bar on my pain threshold, reaching new heights as Life throws me its plethora of curve balls. BUT, there is one pain that I could never bring myself to conquer or even try facing. A toothache.

The toothache, a severe life threatening , migraine making, swearing inducing and a totally skull numbing sensation experienced when a tooth undergoes complications such as decay and etc. Amongst these, the biggest culprit... the WTC (Wisdom Tooth Complications). The one I have been diagnosed with now. How cruel can life be to me?

I always had felt that I had too many teeth. Ten years back I realised that it was due to the Wisdom Teeth ( I wonder why do they even call them that). Since everything was going ok, i turned a blind eye to the fact that I had 4 extra teeth. Recently, after a hearty meal, I dislodged a piece of food particle from my teeth using my tongue and spat it out. When the particle hit the basin, it made a "cling" sound. At that moment, my worst fear was confirmed.. I had to visit the dentist. Because the particle was actually a fragment of my Wisdom Tooth.

I made my appointment with the NDC. Like everyone else, when forced to do something that you dread, I tried to come up with excuses to postpone it. I even tried my hand at reading omens. I told the cab driver National Dental Center and he brought me to the National Cancer Center, what more of an omen can I ask for? Then, I realised I wasn't wearing socks. My God! This is the second omen. Walking into the glass panel of a malfunctioning Auto-Door entrance was the third. Thats it. I had enough signs to call it off ... till the mother calls in to seal my fate. "Don't let anyone know that you are afraid of the dentist. They will spit at you. You call yourself a grown up?!".. Yup that did it alright. My ego and pride were not ready to be subjugated to the insults of mummy. So i registered myself and got myself x-rayed and diagnosed. My Wisdom teeth had to go.

The dentist gave me 2 options.
1) Go for General Anesthetics and knock out while they pluck my teeth out. All 4 of them.
2) Go for Local Anesthetics and pluck out only 2 at a time. Meaning I come back one more time.

Just like a true Singaporean dentist. She read out all probabilities of the surgery.
1) " With G.A there is a 1 % chance that you may slip into a coma while you are in surgery... but then there is always a risk in everything"
2) " With both procedures, there is again another 1% chance of your nerves getting affected and you losing all sensations in your mouth." I am a Singaporean!!! there's nothing to do in Singapore but EAT!
3) "It's possible that your sinus cavities can be punctured during the surgery, if we detect it, we will patch it for you during the surgery itself...... this also is another 1% chance."

Now you understand why I am freaked out? My teeth is so close to my brain. Anything can happen when the dentist is happily yanking it out.. Which i have to witness since i opted for local anesthetics. Damn SHIT! I have to see a stout Chinese fella (assumingly) standing over me and probing my mouth... Whats the world coming to? Crap.... The Tooth Fairy better make me a good deal!

Trek Equinox TTX 9.9

Trek Equinox TTX 9.9

Coming your way in 2009....hmmm maybe plus another 20 more years just to be on the safe side.

The Last Lecture : In honour of Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch
~ Oct 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008 ~

Was watching the news when i learned of Randy Pausch's passing.The following ONE HOUR, should you choose to sit and view this will prove very meaningful and he will open your eyes to your own problems. I first got to know about him in NIE and he has changed how i approach the so called problems in my life , forever. I really hope you can view this fully. If not at least in installments.

sweat... sweat and more sweat.

I simply love to sweat. Not fully sure why though ( bet Wasim or Tahira would be more than glad to enlighten me). All i know is that it helps me beat the stress and most importantly...the emotional build up. I realize that though i am quite frank and open, i do internalize alot of issues that upset/irritate me. Simply because the issue seems too trivial for me to enter the "Raghavan Zone" ( simply put the confrontation zone). In the "Raghavan Zone" , there are no grey areas... its either all or nothing. So normally i would try to avoid the bitter after effects of an all out confrontation if the situation is deemed minuscule.

Anyway, coming back to the topic of.... sweat. I just love sweating. I love the sauna and i love the field exerceises back in NS days ( though i cursed it back then). At the end of a long , hard and exhausting day... sweating it out actually and ironically rejuvenates me ( starting to sound like an endorsement for Brands Essence of Chicken). But seriously it does. I was beginning to wonder if in fact, something was really off with me. I was not physically active when i was young. Its only now. I don't know why. My friends are reluctant to engage in constant or shall i say consistent physical activities and they simply churn out the same old excuses despite knowing the benefits of sweating it out. By the way... just to let you all know... Sweating makes you smarter. Don't believe? read Psychology Today .....errr.. i think you should place your mouse over the word "Psychology Today".

Some of my buddies cheese me off by specualting that i engage in all these activities cause i am training up to be an ironman. IRONMAN?! Your head ah. IronPOTBELLYman, maybe... But ironman , definitely no. Then there is the other group who always say that they don't have enough hours in the day to factor in exercise. I only spend 2 hours a week on solid exercise. Let me rephrase that into something more sellable. Only 30 mins a day and 4 times a week ... or 15 mins everyday.. how you want to incorporate it into ur schedule is up to the individual.

I get the wonderfull opportunity of playing soccer with my colleagues at the school courtyard on Thursdays.. Its a small courtyard... but when you run back and forth at your maximum sprints.. it can be the workout of your life.. After that.. i was primed to run a cross country.. which of course i run on Wednesdays with another set of colleagues. Then i also cycle to school every other day if knees are holding up well. Soccer and running only takes up one hour alltogether in the entire week. It also promotes opportunities to foster better friendships at the work place.

Well at least there are some people who take me seriously.. to a point where one has become a full fledged runner ( wink wink), Chandra is now the swimmer and Wasim the cyclist and me the runner in the next upcoming team triathlon event.. and yesh of course.. how can i forget Ah Bin the ROAR RUNNER... simply put he is mad. He has ran to the edge of his sanity...

I would love to whine more ... but this all i can dish out with one hand typing. I realised i have a penchant for abrubt endings. Can't help it... was never good in essays since secondary school.

the what , why and ifs of what the future holds...(very short one)

Determining what the future holds is an impossible task and we all know that. Then why are most of us ( including myself) trying so desperately to mould it. Is it an innate craving for control? A foolish tenet to be the master of one's own destiny? Lets narrow down the panoptic gaze on Life to just one's career and also lets take God out of the equation ( just for argument sake and to accomodate freethinkers views without prejudice)

We all would have had a certain inkling of who we wanted to become in our childhood. How many of us have achieved what we set out to do... Aspirations and reality somehow always seem to be at loggerheads. Why? Who is the culprit? Situations and circumstances? If so how? When everything is constant, why the rifts in outcomes. Is it as simple as being fickle minded.... i doubt so..

I honestly can't answer these questions without injecting God into the picture but this would fuel the theories of another group out there. That God is the side effect when our perpetual need for logic and comprehension is unsatisfied or unsubstantiated. In the end it simply becomes a vicious cycle. Back to the confusions board. haha.. good night.

Dark Knight Delivers...

The Dark Knight

The Director:
Simply put, The Dark Knight ROCKS!!! Christopher Nolan delivers a solid rendition of my all time favourite (anti)hero. Nolan has created a reality that has never been so successfully visualized using characters from a comic book. I love it when everything makes sense and has a good and logical foundation. He has stripped the Dark Knight of its circus freak show taint, leaving behind a truly dark and vengeful vigilante who ironically becomes the cure for Gotham's cancer.

The Hero:
Michael Keaton, you suck! Val Kilmer.... you suck too! My God ... George Clooney, you can suck on Robin's Kevlar coated nipple. Christian Bale is the coolest and baddest Batman to date.

The Villain:
The late Heath Ledger gave a stellar performance as The Joker. No disrespect to Jack Nicholson but Ledger tore you apart like a cheap non-laminated China made stack of cards.

The Music:
Hans Zimmer and James Newton. Need i say more?

The Quotes: My favourite ones of course.
Harvey Dent- “Chance is the only reality in this cruel world. Unprejudiced. Unbiased. Fair.”
Harvey Dent- "You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
(reminds me of our Mentos .....What ya think?)
The Joker - "This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object."

The Ratings:

Keep moving...

Keep moving. My motto since young. No point wasting valuable time over spilled milk. I rather work for the solution then to keep lamenting. Moving on presents me with opportunities to seek a closure/ answer to my problems. In case this gets confusing, think about standing and running in the rain. When standing still you get drenched. When you run, you are less likely to get drenched. Stagnation only shackles you to your problems. Take a step back or move forward. I choose the latter.

So to follow up on my previous entry, i tweaked a few things. I realized that the Raascal had momentarily lost its essence due to a streak of ill timed misfortunes and i became shackled to a self sympathetic existence. In a simpler sense.. too 'emo' la. Kind of missed the satire, the rhetorics and the simpleminded morals of the stories.

[ struggling to connect the paragraph... hmmm ]
[after a good 20 minutes of typing and backspacing later...]

Yup, so i am going back to my roots. I am going to sidetrack a bit... actually screw it, i am going derail and re-instate the Raascal to its former glory (Rocky theme in the background).

[ Wind of Change by Scorpions playing in the background]
The wind of change has come.. Raascal has returned.. no more sappiness. No more 'emo' stuff. No more whines . No more complaints about dimwits on the MRT .... No more subtle hints to people. Henceforth its going to be disclaimers, satire , sarcasm and rhetorics. I am back [ in pure Billa style minus the paunch].

...yeah right !

Something has been really wrong with me for the past weeks. I am out of moderation. Need to fine tune and tweak a few things. But fine tune what?

Sitting down on top of a hill and staring into the night sky for hours really helped in placing a perspective for my problem. Its a very simple issue. I don't believe. Don't take it theologically though.. Its just people whom i seem to have a problem with. I can't seem to take their word for it. Something is not right. The vocabulary? The tone? The way its said.... I end up analyzing everything thats been mentioned to an extent that i can see multiple angles to a simple coincidental event which could have occurred for the most trivial of reason.

In matters relating to simple daily events, this practice of mine is viewed as being wishy washy. I do not deny. It has helped in maintaining my sensitivity towards others. Approaching the problem from the same perspective as the affected.

In other more complexed and complicated matters, my critical analysis comes across as a war cry and the murder of trust. I also don't deny. It has helped in putting an end to matters that will not progress in anyway even ten years down the road.

This topic only came out as it has been lingering in the back ground for too long. Too many people are pointing to me about it. The reason for me being analytical, or to put it subtly , wishy washy, are you my friends. You cultivated this habit in me, now its hardwired. Sorry nothing can be done about it. When questions are answered with questions, initiations met with silence and when communication is killed with no substantial reason.... Wishy washiness is nurtured.

To those who are reading in between the lines and to those who are determining the tone of my entry. Look at the mirror... You proved that you are no different than me. So why are you pointing at me as if i am a plague. Kinda funny ah....

The highlight of my week....

Its been a very weird week. Actually a tough one. Not physically though. Mentally and emotionally. But i guess the hug from Shan makes up for the shitty week. Thanks babe.

Paper....

Finally.
We are Teachers now.
Before, we were not.
We are doing the same thing now,
that we did before.
So,
are we Teachers or are we not?

Self-Explanatory...

a clogged sinus and a coffee later...

Yes. I am officially cranky. For today at least. My head's every movement is amplified thanks to fluids clogging up my sinus cavities. Whats more irritating is that it (the sinus clogging ) came almost instantly. One sneeze was all it took.

So. Today is not really a good day to come up to me and open a grand topic on Life and the frailty of friendships. I can tolerate the nonsensical views of Life that you have ( everyone is entitled to their own opinions ). But i can't tolerate you canvassing your lack of efforts in maintaining a friendship as it (friendship) being frail. Most importantly, enough of the train analogy dude ( you were lucky i wasn't feeling well). Really enough is enough. I hope that your analogy was tuned to local context. Meaning, I hope you were referring to local trains. So here's me putting my perspective into this age old adage (no pun intended).

Enough of you and the people you meet in your life as passengers on the train you are taking. And enough of the people having to exit at various stations like how friends move away at stages in your life. Dude.. wake up ... Here at least in Singapore the MRT makes return journeys. True you may make a journey from one end of the island to the other ... but you also make the return journey. So does the guy who got off along the way.. you are probably going to see him again in the following day ( He also has to go to work rite). Funny thing is, the MRT can act as a perfect guide to how we should handle our friendships. You get off when your station arrives to carry on with your life. Then you get back on and meet the same people again going back home..All heading together for the brief moment of time and then when its time to alight... you alight.

As for the friends who disappeared amidst the stages in your life, they would have been there if they wanted to . So re-assess the friendship. Alternatively, maybe its just you who abandoned them in the so called evolution of friendships. You know like the saying goes " Has the world turned its back on you , or is it you who turned your back on the world". Stop feeding the vicious cycle and stop masquerading like a sage who has seen it all and done it all. Idiot.

I can't breathe through my nose anymore. sinus is bad. i am gonna hit the sack. good night.

Me..Me...Me.

I am standing on an atoll and i am staring back at the events chaptering my life's history. Many of which i still feel that i shouldn't have experienced till this day. But then again, there's nothing in my Birth Cert that states "LIFE: Fair". There are many sayings. "Everything has its time and place", "Time will heal" and etc. Many revolving around time.

Time.. It's scary. It can nurture professional malaise in you or it can bring you the due promotions that you have been slogging for. It can bring you through the dark and tremulous times of your life and yet its the one that brought you there in the first place.It fuels you with anticipation and excitement, and can also serve you a cold hard dish of disappointment. Simply put its ironic and contradicting. They say that "Times have changed" , I say that time is the only constant and its us who change.

Time taught me alot of things and i too learned it well. But i have one more lesson to learn. Humility in despair. Having experienced so many of my(self-proclaimed) lifes turmoils, i have grown to think that everyone else's problems are trivial. To each his own problems. But I can't be blamed entitrely... what's a relationship problem compared to a funeral in the family... btw laptop battery dying so i end here. what an anti-climax!

Baby got an upgrade...

Hmmm never really intended to upgrade anything at first. I merely wanted to bring Habiba in for a long overdue tune up. Front brakes were not responding too well and there was an annoying creeking sound from the handlebars. Other than that nothing else.

The mechanic saw me dismounting from my bike and he immediately told me, "bro, i got 2 recommendations for you... other than that everything is ok with your jamis".

1) Tires (not urgent la.. maybe 3 more months down)
2) Brakes.( Urgent )

So we were walking around his shop browsing all the brakes and rotors. He was giving me the ups and downs of all the brakes. Initially thought of getting a hydraulic brake but he personally recommended a ball bearing one. He won me over with well laid out reasoning and intrinsic "practical" advice. He also saved me quite a bit in cost. Personally, i would recommend HUP LEONG Pte Ltd to anyone if they are planning to get a bike and good after sale services.

So ya, Habiba now rides with a pair of Avid BB7 MTN ( starting to sound like Nisa)brakes.

Help Lines

In case if the frame doesnt load.... visit mentoshelpline

Truly Unwound... for the day at least.

I know i titled my entry as something associated with relaxation, but let me start off with some frustrations.

I am frustrated that i can't seem to spend my hard earned free time, the way i want to. If its not commitments guzzling my time, its always some screw up for the day that requires me to waste my hours trying to rectify the problem. Then, there is this thing called reservist, which absolutely is a bloody waste of my time. One entire week ... poooffff , just like that.

I am frustrated... Despite having so little time, i still do take the effort to stay in touch and organise something up so that all of us can meet up. But why does it always have to end in catastrophe? I mean all you have to do is just confirm if the set date is fine with you and remember that day. But No!!!!! You have to belittle all of my efforts... Whatever your reasons are.... Screw it. Thank you.

You know what really frustrates me? The bloody lack of initiation on your part. You won't lift a finger to initiate, won't organise and won't give me proper confirmation... the least... just turn up. Since i am doing all of the work that you will never do even if i wait a century.

I was about to give up. Then something happened. Nisa calls up to meet at about 4 pm at Sentosa, along with Faizul. Sounded great especially since i was not organising it. Took my bike in the morning and rode around everywhere in southern Singapore. Then rode over to Palawan Beach. Really burnt all the excess energy i accumulated through all the frustrations.
It was really nice actually. No agenda , no planning. Just us in the evening sky and frolicking in the water swimming laps(sort of), talking cock in middle of the lagoon while tredding water. Catching up after a long time. Kinda miss the ol' times when we all used to work together... All these fun was just a corridor away. It was an extremely simple meet but it did wonders for me. It totally calmed me down. Should really thank Nisa and Faizul. Then the fun continued at Seah Im Hawker Centre. Talk more cock while indulging in overrated and over priced food. But the price didn't matter, the company did. It was very relaxingly fun... Anyway here are some pics from our endeavours. Nisa has most of the nicer pics.

Weight flies when you are having fun....

Picked up cycling quite recently. Not that i didnt know how to cycle or wat.. but just that i gave cycling enough consideration to make it a hobby and a prime mode of transport to work.

I must say it was horribly difficult at first. Bodyaches, breathlessness and the weird way of walking after dismounting from your bike, like as though someone shoved something up your somewhere. But as time went by, it became fun. All it took was just one week for my body to adapt. After that it was really really fun. So i started investing in a helmet, a bag , gloves and a water bladder.

There alot of advantages to cycling. You do not get stuck in traffic jams. You are not limited to just the road ( i pity road cyclists ). You get to the destination faster ( assuming that your destination is reasonably nearby). You save a ridiculous amount of money in transport. You get to blow off some steam when you are pissed ( which i am beginning to do everyday). And most importantly, you can lose weight fast. I did! All 8 Kilos, now i look pathetically scrawny and requests are coming in from everyone to put on someweight.

So its about time i bulked up a abit... just a teeny bit.. they say that its very helpful to have a picture in mind when you are planning to bulk up. So, heres mine.

Just randomly....again

Nunbuns, i appreciate your eagerness for an update on my site but kindly understand that i was in reservist. If you desperately need your daily fix of raascal's connundrums.. you can feel free to subscribe .. only SGD 19.99 / month.
Serving my reservists somehow allowed me to reflect on alot of touchy or slightly sensitive issues. I shall dedicate another entry to my revelations in Reservist to add the weight to the banes of our multiracial society. Racism or Economic Practicality, we shall discuss it another time.

On a lighter note, been looking around for a chainstay protector for my bicycle. Freaking hell, they cost anywhere from 4 bucks to 40..... What the crap? So, when i was walking around aimlessly , a "why didnt i think of that?!" moment suddenly hit me. Went straight back home started ripping apart all the fabrics in the house with a very curious mother overlooking my shoulder. After a good one and a half hour of ripping, cutting, pasting , pulling , wiping and cursing....

Behold.......





Not bad for an amateur if i say so myself....
till mom asked why does my bike look as if its draped in a sari.

Just randomly...

I am tired. Really. All I got was reasons, so give me one more.. to continue.

little surprises..

Shan and Tahira.... Thank You.

Santosh Subramaniam

Santosh Subramanian, a delightful family entertainer. Doesn't waste valuable time in unnecessary fights, punch dialogue and needless sentiments. Introduces the plot immediately and sustains it beautifully through out the movie. Kudos to the director. I must say this is definitely one of Ravi's best movies i ever saw. I loved the background score and Genelia will always be my darling.
This is how far i am going to review the movie simply because i was never really good at writing it.

Here's a micro synopsis:
The film primarily revolves around a father and son relationship with the father's dote on his son ironically leaving a bitter taste with the latter. The son's choices and his wants to achieve something in life are always subdued by his father's. The father has a justification in the form of his dream, that is to build a dream house. When it comes to his son's marriage, the son breaks his shackles of respect only to experience the newly found independence. The film concludes with the father's repentance on his foolishness and the happy marriage of the protagonists.

Somehow this film really appealed to me. Not sure why though. Maybe i was able to relate to some of the key moments depicted in the movie. In an Indian culture, our parents are always in key roles relating to everything. From the mundane to the monumental. Tradition and Respect are not to be trifled with. Its even backed by my religion. To hurt your parents is a downright sin.

My parents always knew whats best for me right from my birth. When young, always knowing what i should wear. What to eat. How to dress. What hairstyle. You name it, they would have done it. Now though i can understand their love, sometimes it becomes overbearing. Yet i can't bring myself to voice it out for the very fundamental reason for their actions is love. I simply accept while eating away at myself from the inside.

When everyone was laughing at the protagonists antics when trying to voice out his displeasure, i was for once, seriously engulfed and i told Mr. Protagonist, " i know how you feel dude". I could sense my family giving me the "whats wrong with you " look.

However, there is one point that really hit me... and i hope it hit my family too. At a particular scene, the protagonist mother would be asking the father, how much he knew about the son. Who the son was at home would not be who he is outside home. Which is really true. I often had arguments with my parents whenever they proclaimed that they knew me like the back of their hands thus they know whats best for my future.. Many times i have found myself at a fix trying to explain this theory to them. They retort by asking me " So you are saying that you are putting up an act at home is it?". How like that. Who i am at home is just a small percentage of who i am overall. So i gladly took the opportunity to nudge my mom and told her " you get what she is saying rite?".

The other similarity between the hero and me is our parents persistence to arrange our marriages. Frankly i am ok with both arranged or loved marriages. Ultimately home holds the highest sanctity for me and i know for sure that a wife out of an arranged marriage would safe guard it. But considering what i might gain in a loved marriage and the points proved through this wonderful entertainer, now i think i mite be more inclined towards marrying a girl whom i love first. ( i can already hear one darling manjan rooting for me ;-)

Its one of those movies that leaves you in a surreal feeling when the credits roll out... Go catch it.

Miracles...

Miracles, they exist. In plain sight.
Miracles, I have come to realise, are a matter of perception. Just like how one would view the concept of luck and coincidence. It materializes to those who believe and remains a mirage to those who are skeptical.

But aren't we all skeptics? Demanding rationale, justification and results as pre-requesites in order to believe... In this day and age, we have to dig deep into our minds crevices just to find faith being subjugated by logic and reasoning. What's the point then? If faith has to be verified, then, it's just a fact.

But i guess God anticipated our curiosity. Which could be why, HE peppered hints to prove the existence of faith and its miracles, yet at the same time made them subtle to protect their sanctity. Simply put, ( I assume) He created one of the biggest conundrums( perspectives) to ensure only true believers are able to bear witness to miracles..
I used Faith and Miracles interchangeably, for both them require the same to condition to exist. You need to believe.

Till recently, my definition of a Miracle had always been the occurence of the impossible. But not any more. Life itself is a miracle. The very breath i draw is a miracle. I met a man who some time back who opened my eyes to a number of miracles. By doing so , he helped me re-affirm my beliefs ( ironically i needed proof to believe as well).

Tahira's Uncle was diagnosed with cancer and it was terminal. He soldiered on against it for a mind blowing 1.5 years. I visited him a number of times.. Each time he taught a lesson. Once when i was sitting next to him thinking how much worse is he going to suffer, as if he read my thought bubble, he gives a smirk and looks to his brother . And as if given a que, his brother tells me the story of Prophet Ayub. A very timely lesson indeed.

On another visit, i was sitting next to him thinking why is he being tested so much considering he is a very pious man. Through him i saw one more of HIS miracles. Through his bed ridden sufferings, he united an entire fueding family and gave each of them a second chance to mend broken fences and make ammends.

Uncle gave a gift to everyone there during his passing. I pray that all of them can see the gift and appreciate it.

After a very long time, I teared. As the first drops rolled down my cheeks, i realised why life was so frail. For if it wasn't, we as human beings, simply would have taken it for granted. The most important lesson came when the tears hit the earth and dried up. Every day we get to live is a miracle. Just like how the tears evaporated, so does the days that were loaned to us by HIM. Make everyday count.

My meetings with Uncle was the biggest miracle in my life yet. Insha Allah, if i get to live long enough, i shall try my best( Insha Allah) to be of some purpose and direction to others (like how Uncle was to me) before my life comes to a close.

Uncle, you will always live on in my heart and iin my prayers. Thank you for opening my eyes.

Proposed running route..

Just...

Time:

It is tough scavenging for time for anything. I am busy, but what am i occupied with? I don't know. Work? Home? Or practicum? Though i found practicum not as intimidating as i thought it would be, I still found myself with a lack of time for my social life and activities. I have incarcerated myself to the confines of my room to an extent my mom feels as if I am a tenant in a sublet room. I must admit i find it funny when she occasionally pops in to ask for rent.

My Life:

Pathetically, it revolves around going to work and coming back home. It is mundane. Really... Except for the occasional runs i have with Ah Bin , Amanda and gang and ..... myself. Apart from desperately trying lose my tummy, I guess it's my way of pacifying myself: that i am active in my social life ( or the lack of). This succinct paragraph bears witness to my exciting life.

My Friends:

Recent developements- I believe that you can never be close friends with colleagues . But Life has a funny way of throwing little surprises. Once in a while you tend to find those really special some ones that you can be absolutely yourself with.... and yeah , you don't mind making sandwiches for them too with egg.. and mayo... and sauce.

The Constants- All of you, even a well developed bond has the propensity to erode, thanks to complacency and lack of intrinsic communication. I guess you all know what i am talking about.

My take :

The HDB flats seem to resemble more of pigeon holes. The MRT has become the icon of a Singaporean lifestyle. The CTE Jam seems like my pay increments. Gmaps just enlightened me to how crowded my country is. I have lost all hopes that i will ever see my CPF money in my lifetime. ( I wont dare to write any further on my takes).

Miracles:

It's everywhere. Miracles occur everywhere and everytime. It just doesn't resemble those that we have in mind. Lately i have been blessed to view some of them in action in real time. But i will blog about it in detail another time. I feel that it deserves more weight than just me superficially pointing at it.

To a beautiful Manjan ( term of endearment that will only be understood by that particular person actually, not a racial slurr):

You are a bloody pain in my ass. If i tell you that i can't run and that i need sleep ... you listen .. Don't argue! Sitting upright and putting a bolster on your face will not get you anywhere. But i must admit. You are one stubborn babe. I actually pity your boyfriend.

To all Aunties and Uncles:

Please.. thank you so much for trying to find me a bride. But really.... Don't you all have anything better to do....

On a random note:

Zayed received the honour of being featured on my 100th post.

You and Me, Zed.

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything he does is beautiful
everything he does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive

Just you and me, Zed..

Hamster give away

Hey all those hamster lovers out there...check out this link. i am not a hamster lover... but support a fren la....
http://sheylara.com/2008/04/13/sheylara-great-hamster-giveaway

The Forgotten Entry.

The following is an excerpt from a draft left unfinished from April 2005. The original words are those in italics the normal ones are my current thoughts. Just to gauge how far i have come.

Warning: Following entry may contain some strong language which could be an anti-thesis of this normally fun filled and crappy blog. You have been warned.

2005

Friendships that were forged through adolescence and coalesced into a band of brothers through our struggles in hell and high water. Hell and high water, my creed of late. They say that change is the only constant in life. I somehow feel that pain and misery make good company to change as well. Many times i have woken up with anticipation of the next f***ing shit i have to face in the day. Peace of mind is only truly attained when you are six feet underground ( which itself is becoming scarce in Singapore) .
My only reprieve, that i got to spend some time of my still seemingly insignificant existence with you by my side.. My friend.

This is a tribute to all the hard-asses who bruised with me in the name of friendship through all of Life's punishing gauntlets to date. Hard asses whom are warriors in their own rights. Warriors in whom i discovered the arcadia for loyalty.

Is blood really thicker than water? I doubt so. If communication itself is a barrier then where is understanding going to come from? F*** the notions of piety.. When it every man for himself.

This is a tribute to a family that is still in cohesion, despite the storms that at many times, almost blew us apart. To a family that proved in its weird ways that blood is thicker than water through the very fights that threatened its existence. So weird that i still cant find the words to describe it. Yet i am grateful that i had it in my most desperate moments.

What good is a God who can do no good at all? How long more are You going to keep striking me down? What did i do to be put down all the time? Where is the fairness? What kind of a judge are you? Where is the strength that i prayed for? I asked for peace of mind and all you gave were more headaches. I can take no more.. i am falling to my knees.
It's funny.. all i had to do when i was on my knees, was to lean further and i was in the perfect position to pray. Din, you asked for strength and you got it. How else would you be able to survive through all that you did.. How else would you have been able to be a shoulder to cry on despite your own problems. Grow up Din. Grow up. You asked for peace, didn't you get the best sleep in years after slogging for the well being of others? Have faith Din, HE knows what you need and HE has always given it to you in due time. What you don't have now is what you don't need now.


PS:
What were these gauntlets, hell and high water that i am talking about? They are not some scene off the Armageddon movie. They are from our very lives.
The financial crunches. The despair of failing. The burden of responsibilities. The heart breaks. Funerals.The regrets. Flawed expectations. Misunderstandings. Feuds. Pettiness. Feel free to add on.

Jamis Durango 1.0

Nisa: As you requested,these are the pics of my new wife... so wats ur verdict?

It's official. You can trust me to make some of the dumbest mistakes in my life.. shall elaborate to you when we get to catch up.. haha..

Habiba and Me...

A colleague came up to me today. She asked, " Din , what was the car that you used to drive?". A question that brewed an instant storm within me. A question that flicked the spotlight on a memory that had absconded me for quite a number of months now. How easy it is lose ourselves and all those that mattered to us whilst struggling to keep up in this race called life.

Simply put, Habiba( "beloved" in Arabic) was my car....A tiny 1 liter Subaru Justy with a feisty heart of a champion for an engine underneath its hood. A speed demon at 130kph, remains humble and plays it down to 90kph on the speedometer.( Waseem perceived that Habiba's speedometer is impaired while blazing the roads enroute to Senkang on the CTE).

Habiba was more than just a car to me. I bought that Justy from my friend Habib and thus i named it Habiba. Very soon Habiba grew its own character. Our relationship is one that could be understood if you had watched the movie "Herbie".

Habiba entered my life at a very critical stage. A stage where i was defining my own identity. She was my friend who was always with me till i got home, sheltered me from a stormy night, brought me out whenever i had temper tantrums and most importantly she helped me forge and catalyse some friendships that are my pillars of strength till today.

I feel so lost without you. I miss you so much.. yet somehow i feel your presence.. are you in the coke can i am drinking from right now?

So many memories...Mom always sleeping in the back seat during a drive. Tahira's endeavours with Habiba during her convocation. The many nights of ferrying my buddies back to their homes after their late night stints in NUS. The convenience of running at once unreachable locations. Sending Durga back home after long chatting sessions. Chandra driving Habiba around with one eye after a cist removal in NUH . Yasmin Begum scorching her hand when she touched the door handles after Habiba baking in a mid day sun. So much memories that its impossible to list them all.. sigh.. Of course then there is the fetching of my, (then) love of my life to her home from SIM.

The entry of Habiba awarded me with number of "firsts" in my life.
1) The first guy in the family/friends to OWN a car... not borrow his/her parents car and i was only 23. Hell YEAH!
2) The first car itself being a Subaru
3) The first time i brought a girl to view a sunset from kent ridge park
4) The first birthday candles blown on top of Habiba in a remote carpark during my birthday.
I can keep going at it but its just going to get lamer.

The irony is that Habiba died on my birthday. I buried her and used the remains of her PARF value for a cab ride back. A simple question blasted the flood gates on long forgotten memories of a darling that i will never get back. This entry is a tribute to you, Habiba. May you rest in peace in whichever aluminium can you have been recycled into.

Habiba