The Matrix

Welcome to the Matrix.....
I am the human battery...
I don't care who you are, just plug yourself into the system.

The system is very safe, peaceful and stable and it takes care of our basic needs.
All you have to do is work the daylights off and sometimes some moonlight as well.
And for whatever leftover moonlight, retreat into the pigeon holes and recharge.
Set aside some earnings so that you never see or touch it again.
When you are in your 30's reproduce to stalk up on future battery supply.

Welcome to the Matrix....
I wish was Neo.

To: Dear God

Allah, I know not what is right and what is wrong.
For i am nothing but a puny human being.
I am neither wise nor strong,
and I am at a crossroad into which I wandered without seeing.

I have lost much sleep,
thinking and re-thinking...
of the repercussions should I fail, that's mine to keep.

I know now that tomorrow is not mine to control.
That its destiny ordained by you,
And in due time, it will unroll.

Forgive me for all that I have taken for granted.
My Family, friends and many more whom are unstated.
For when I was engulfed in my darkness,
You sent me rays of hope through their kindness.

Allah, I know not what is right or what is wrong.
And I have decided to go ahead with my degree.
Please be my guide and be my strength...
For none is beyond your decree.

Bless me in my attempt and should I fail,
give me strength to bear repercussions flail.

Please be my strength and my guide for i am neither wise nor strong,
and i know not what is right and what is wrong.

Yours sincerely and desperately,
Mohidin Shaniz Malik S/O Sajakan M. M. Musthafa

There is no Grey...today

Faith:

Is it strict adherence to a doctrine that is yet to be understood by the common man? Or is it the assimilation of HIS commands in true acceptance?

Family:

Is it subjugation, with Sentiments as its judge and jury? Or is it voluntary sacrifice, to endorse a smile that is not your own?

Friends:

Are they merely pit stops in the race called life? Or are they the stop to all the pits in the race called life?

When applause is due...

I am really not the arty farty kind. Neither am I the culture vulture sort who speaks with a strong and often phony accent. I don't fancy artistic past times such as theatre or musicals. Whatever play that I have attended, I did so in my bermudas and not in some suit. There was always a possibility of being denied access for under dressing, but what is life without uncertainties.. haha.

Anyway yeah, I happened to be at one of the most unlikely venues on Sunday, 17th August... The Arts House... and yeah in my bermudas as expected when Chandra and Durga were more ... shall i say that they had more clothes on them then myself... Chandra initiated a pseudo short film marathon at a ridiculous price of $5.00. I was there because I had 5 bucks to spare... other than that I hated short films.

When I first viewed them 10 years back, it failed to appeal to me in any bloody way. The short films were too abstract and too "artistic" for my taste. I felt that the filmmakers were desperately fitting into borrowed shoes and assimilating foreign artistry. Something that doesn't go down well with me. Its like an Ah Beng/ Mat/ Mama speaking in European accent. Furthermore the people whom i met, people associated with the Arts field, always were exclusive, as if they were above the common man. This just worsened the distaste i had for short films and the arts scene.


So, I leaned back into my seat, waiting to sleep soundly. But i couldn't. There was something different about the compilation of films. They had matured and over the years had found their own identity and best of all, they had vulgarities ( which makes it real). I was blown away actually. By the second short film, i already had my money's worth and it was only getting better.

There were 16 shortfilms all together. Though all of them had substance and quality, these were my favourites.

My Blue Heaven / Director : Yee Wei Chai
[ A coming of age dark comedy, about a little boy who lives with his abusive father, and how a fateful afternoon of watching his father's porn videotape, turns his life upside down]

Zo Gang / Director : Jacen Tan
[Filmmaker wannabe, Ah Tan, is sick of his day job. He discusses and pokes fun at local film and music , while plotting his path to become Singapore's next great director. A dark comedy about the difficulties of making a film in Singapore] ... this is really damn good.. and hilarious.

I really had a very good time at the short film screening and i am really impressed with how far the scene has come. I applaud the directors and all creative technicians and of course the actors for imbuing so much quality and "heartlanderness" into what once was a borrowed fad. I wish them all further success in their futures and i just want them to know that they have earned one more fan... me.

the small surprises in life..

I've been on a 5 days MC thanks to the extraction of my wisdom teeth. Everyone went like .."wah! 5 days ah, shiok ah!" . Please, there is a reason why i am given 5 days. Because i need that long to recover to a decent level. I had stitches in my gums that were sewed to my inner cheek. That tore everytime i yawned, smiled, coughed, sneezed or even opened my mouth. My diet was severely affected which in turn affected my energy level and aggravated my crankiness and lethargy.

I can't do any vigorous exercise as it makes me hungry and i can't eat any solid food.. let alone open my mouth, so you get the picture.. I have been cooped up for a week inside my home and i have been feeling miserable. Going nuts actually..

Watching TV didn't help either. All i saw was Beijing Olympics... Give me a break.. I am thankful to the friends who dropped by and i am very thankful to the darling manjan for keeping me company through all of my whims.

And i am very thankful to the totally unplanned trip to Mt Fab. Such wonderful company, crazy antics and extreme cuteness made up for a very dull and miserable week. From potentially haunted churches to abandoned mansions... it was a laugh riot spooking the other out. I actually felt sad saying bye to my company. damn... hahaha.

Now with Gods grace i can pack on the pounds that i lost over the week. But i must admit.. i realize that i have taken alot of things for granted.. this time it was the simple everyday food that i so often throw away or leave un-eaten.. There is a lesson to learn in every experience..

ok i am off to watch Man VS Wild 2.. ciaoz.

The devil of necessity

I am not a saint. I never was actually, though I have tried countless times before. I must admit I have mellowed down. Constant pounding of hard choices, ruthless prioritising and heavy expectations on me has affected me. How I think, act and re-act ... all have toned down to a point where I do not see my previous self anymore. Some call this growing up. Some call it maturing.. I say.. whatever... like i have choice like that. Gone were the days where I reacted with force, vulgarities and a clenched fist ( to think of it i can only recall 5 events in school and 2 in NS).

I found myself standing infront of the mirror and telling myself " Look, you are 26, you are a teacher, becarefull how you carry yourself, anything you do can jeopadise yourself and those around you." Reminding myself of unnecessary repurcussions and conditioning myself to turn innert.

But today i realised that there are some things that strike me on a nerve level. Issues that propell me into actions without any thinking at all. I realised that any issue that undermines my family or its name or potentially tarnishes its image and or integrity, cause me to lose my sense of rationality very easily. Chief amongst the Family... is the Mother. Any negative or undermining act/intention / remark against the Family ( and most importantly the Mother) will be met with very strong force even if its at the expense of my name or integrity..and i don't give a flying f*** where i am when i deliver and i really don't give a damn about those who become sushi in the process.

I so thank God that none of my friends had been implicated in such issues.. But just to round my thoughts off.. Any stranger who undermines my family will get it hard. Any friend who undermines my family will get it harder... And if its a family member...good luck...

I am not going to elaborate on what i did today.. i am not proud of it. really. But in retrospect. I will also admit that there is a very small possibility that i might have over-reacted slightly. But none the less the family was undermined.. so i reacted.. Now that i have cooled down, i believe that i owe some apologies... on second thought... i owe only one apology, to the vegetable who got slaughtered for a mutton briyani.

The Team mates.

The Triathlon Team mates. The impossible has happened... Chandra and Waseem agreed. Normally i would keep things low key till i managed to achieve them. But in this case i am announcing it to the world because when a word is given in public, you will be obliged to keep it. I can already see Chandra's enthusiasm to take part...

Faizul, bro, i know that you asked me to join up with you.. but considering that your knee is in shit condition, its best that you rest it out first... Live to die another day ok?

Nisa: I will meet up with you asap once my stitches are out.

Its Done

The wisdom teeth are finally out. Would love to elaborate more on my experiences but i am rather tired of staring at the screen. So in true Raascal tradition.. i leave you all my pictures...

A prayer before i go....

Dear God.

Please forgive me for all the sins i have committed. Knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly.

Please forgive my idiocy to willingly sit on the dentist chair.

Please give me the strength to bear with some stout chinese (assumingly) fella injecting my gums.

Please give me the "Rambo"ness to keep my mouth open in the midst of the excruciating pain.

Please prevent my pride from getting bruised. (I am not going to have my teeth anymore.. at least allow me to have my pride in tact)

Please let every iota of pain feel like........(ermmm nevermind)....... the relief of a much needed sneeze.

Please, if the world has to end one day... let it end before 2pm today .. not after..

Please cancell my previous order.. i love too many people here too much to see them die for my pain. Don't worry Priyanka Chopra, Anne Hathaway and Genelia, you all are safe.

Please save me!!!

Flower

I am like a flower. Really ... I am . When it comes to the dentist.

In my life I have tolerated many pains. I have suffered the pain of broken bones , fractures, sprains, incisions, lacerations, contusions and many other pains ending with "ions". I also have endured the pains of heartbreaks, hardknocks and even hard-headed people. Often times, I have raised the bar on my pain threshold, reaching new heights as Life throws me its plethora of curve balls. BUT, there is one pain that I could never bring myself to conquer or even try facing. A toothache.

The toothache, a severe life threatening , migraine making, swearing inducing and a totally skull numbing sensation experienced when a tooth undergoes complications such as decay and etc. Amongst these, the biggest culprit... the WTC (Wisdom Tooth Complications). The one I have been diagnosed with now. How cruel can life be to me?

I always had felt that I had too many teeth. Ten years back I realised that it was due to the Wisdom Teeth ( I wonder why do they even call them that). Since everything was going ok, i turned a blind eye to the fact that I had 4 extra teeth. Recently, after a hearty meal, I dislodged a piece of food particle from my teeth using my tongue and spat it out. When the particle hit the basin, it made a "cling" sound. At that moment, my worst fear was confirmed.. I had to visit the dentist. Because the particle was actually a fragment of my Wisdom Tooth.

I made my appointment with the NDC. Like everyone else, when forced to do something that you dread, I tried to come up with excuses to postpone it. I even tried my hand at reading omens. I told the cab driver National Dental Center and he brought me to the National Cancer Center, what more of an omen can I ask for? Then, I realised I wasn't wearing socks. My God! This is the second omen. Walking into the glass panel of a malfunctioning Auto-Door entrance was the third. Thats it. I had enough signs to call it off ... till the mother calls in to seal my fate. "Don't let anyone know that you are afraid of the dentist. They will spit at you. You call yourself a grown up?!".. Yup that did it alright. My ego and pride were not ready to be subjugated to the insults of mummy. So i registered myself and got myself x-rayed and diagnosed. My Wisdom teeth had to go.

The dentist gave me 2 options.
1) Go for General Anesthetics and knock out while they pluck my teeth out. All 4 of them.
2) Go for Local Anesthetics and pluck out only 2 at a time. Meaning I come back one more time.

Just like a true Singaporean dentist. She read out all probabilities of the surgery.
1) " With G.A there is a 1 % chance that you may slip into a coma while you are in surgery... but then there is always a risk in everything"
2) " With both procedures, there is again another 1% chance of your nerves getting affected and you losing all sensations in your mouth." I am a Singaporean!!! there's nothing to do in Singapore but EAT!
3) "It's possible that your sinus cavities can be punctured during the surgery, if we detect it, we will patch it for you during the surgery itself...... this also is another 1% chance."

Now you understand why I am freaked out? My teeth is so close to my brain. Anything can happen when the dentist is happily yanking it out.. Which i have to witness since i opted for local anesthetics. Damn SHIT! I have to see a stout Chinese fella (assumingly) standing over me and probing my mouth... Whats the world coming to? Crap.... The Tooth Fairy better make me a good deal!

Trek Equinox TTX 9.9

Trek Equinox TTX 9.9

Coming your way in 2009....hmmm maybe plus another 20 more years just to be on the safe side.

The Last Lecture : In honour of Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch
~ Oct 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008 ~

Was watching the news when i learned of Randy Pausch's passing.The following ONE HOUR, should you choose to sit and view this will prove very meaningful and he will open your eyes to your own problems. I first got to know about him in NIE and he has changed how i approach the so called problems in my life , forever. I really hope you can view this fully. If not at least in installments.

sweat... sweat and more sweat.

I simply love to sweat. Not fully sure why though ( bet Wasim or Tahira would be more than glad to enlighten me). All i know is that it helps me beat the stress and most importantly...the emotional build up. I realize that though i am quite frank and open, i do internalize alot of issues that upset/irritate me. Simply because the issue seems too trivial for me to enter the "Raghavan Zone" ( simply put the confrontation zone). In the "Raghavan Zone" , there are no grey areas... its either all or nothing. So normally i would try to avoid the bitter after effects of an all out confrontation if the situation is deemed minuscule.

Anyway, coming back to the topic of.... sweat. I just love sweating. I love the sauna and i love the field exerceises back in NS days ( though i cursed it back then). At the end of a long , hard and exhausting day... sweating it out actually and ironically rejuvenates me ( starting to sound like an endorsement for Brands Essence of Chicken). But seriously it does. I was beginning to wonder if in fact, something was really off with me. I was not physically active when i was young. Its only now. I don't know why. My friends are reluctant to engage in constant or shall i say consistent physical activities and they simply churn out the same old excuses despite knowing the benefits of sweating it out. By the way... just to let you all know... Sweating makes you smarter. Don't believe? read Psychology Today .....errr.. i think you should place your mouse over the word "Psychology Today".

Some of my buddies cheese me off by specualting that i engage in all these activities cause i am training up to be an ironman. IRONMAN?! Your head ah. IronPOTBELLYman, maybe... But ironman , definitely no. Then there is the other group who always say that they don't have enough hours in the day to factor in exercise. I only spend 2 hours a week on solid exercise. Let me rephrase that into something more sellable. Only 30 mins a day and 4 times a week ... or 15 mins everyday.. how you want to incorporate it into ur schedule is up to the individual.

I get the wonderfull opportunity of playing soccer with my colleagues at the school courtyard on Thursdays.. Its a small courtyard... but when you run back and forth at your maximum sprints.. it can be the workout of your life.. After that.. i was primed to run a cross country.. which of course i run on Wednesdays with another set of colleagues. Then i also cycle to school every other day if knees are holding up well. Soccer and running only takes up one hour alltogether in the entire week. It also promotes opportunities to foster better friendships at the work place.

Well at least there are some people who take me seriously.. to a point where one has become a full fledged runner ( wink wink), Chandra is now the swimmer and Wasim the cyclist and me the runner in the next upcoming team triathlon event.. and yesh of course.. how can i forget Ah Bin the ROAR RUNNER... simply put he is mad. He has ran to the edge of his sanity...

I would love to whine more ... but this all i can dish out with one hand typing. I realised i have a penchant for abrubt endings. Can't help it... was never good in essays since secondary school.

the what , why and ifs of what the future holds...(very short one)

Determining what the future holds is an impossible task and we all know that. Then why are most of us ( including myself) trying so desperately to mould it. Is it an innate craving for control? A foolish tenet to be the master of one's own destiny? Lets narrow down the panoptic gaze on Life to just one's career and also lets take God out of the equation ( just for argument sake and to accomodate freethinkers views without prejudice)

We all would have had a certain inkling of who we wanted to become in our childhood. How many of us have achieved what we set out to do... Aspirations and reality somehow always seem to be at loggerheads. Why? Who is the culprit? Situations and circumstances? If so how? When everything is constant, why the rifts in outcomes. Is it as simple as being fickle minded.... i doubt so..

I honestly can't answer these questions without injecting God into the picture but this would fuel the theories of another group out there. That God is the side effect when our perpetual need for logic and comprehension is unsatisfied or unsubstantiated. In the end it simply becomes a vicious cycle. Back to the confusions board. haha.. good night.

Dark Knight Delivers...

The Dark Knight

The Director:
Simply put, The Dark Knight ROCKS!!! Christopher Nolan delivers a solid rendition of my all time favourite (anti)hero. Nolan has created a reality that has never been so successfully visualized using characters from a comic book. I love it when everything makes sense and has a good and logical foundation. He has stripped the Dark Knight of its circus freak show taint, leaving behind a truly dark and vengeful vigilante who ironically becomes the cure for Gotham's cancer.

The Hero:
Michael Keaton, you suck! Val Kilmer.... you suck too! My God ... George Clooney, you can suck on Robin's Kevlar coated nipple. Christian Bale is the coolest and baddest Batman to date.

The Villain:
The late Heath Ledger gave a stellar performance as The Joker. No disrespect to Jack Nicholson but Ledger tore you apart like a cheap non-laminated China made stack of cards.

The Music:
Hans Zimmer and James Newton. Need i say more?

The Quotes: My favourite ones of course.
Harvey Dent- “Chance is the only reality in this cruel world. Unprejudiced. Unbiased. Fair.”
Harvey Dent- "You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
(reminds me of our Mentos .....What ya think?)
The Joker - "This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object."

The Ratings:

Keep moving...

Keep moving. My motto since young. No point wasting valuable time over spilled milk. I rather work for the solution then to keep lamenting. Moving on presents me with opportunities to seek a closure/ answer to my problems. In case this gets confusing, think about standing and running in the rain. When standing still you get drenched. When you run, you are less likely to get drenched. Stagnation only shackles you to your problems. Take a step back or move forward. I choose the latter.

So to follow up on my previous entry, i tweaked a few things. I realized that the Raascal had momentarily lost its essence due to a streak of ill timed misfortunes and i became shackled to a self sympathetic existence. In a simpler sense.. too 'emo' la. Kind of missed the satire, the rhetorics and the simpleminded morals of the stories.

[ struggling to connect the paragraph... hmmm ]
[after a good 20 minutes of typing and backspacing later...]

Yup, so i am going back to my roots. I am going to sidetrack a bit... actually screw it, i am going derail and re-instate the Raascal to its former glory (Rocky theme in the background).

[ Wind of Change by Scorpions playing in the background]
The wind of change has come.. Raascal has returned.. no more sappiness. No more 'emo' stuff. No more whines . No more complaints about dimwits on the MRT .... No more subtle hints to people. Henceforth its going to be disclaimers, satire , sarcasm and rhetorics. I am back [ in pure Billa style minus the paunch].

...yeah right !

Something has been really wrong with me for the past weeks. I am out of moderation. Need to fine tune and tweak a few things. But fine tune what?

Sitting down on top of a hill and staring into the night sky for hours really helped in placing a perspective for my problem. Its a very simple issue. I don't believe. Don't take it theologically though.. Its just people whom i seem to have a problem with. I can't seem to take their word for it. Something is not right. The vocabulary? The tone? The way its said.... I end up analyzing everything thats been mentioned to an extent that i can see multiple angles to a simple coincidental event which could have occurred for the most trivial of reason.

In matters relating to simple daily events, this practice of mine is viewed as being wishy washy. I do not deny. It has helped in maintaining my sensitivity towards others. Approaching the problem from the same perspective as the affected.

In other more complexed and complicated matters, my critical analysis comes across as a war cry and the murder of trust. I also don't deny. It has helped in putting an end to matters that will not progress in anyway even ten years down the road.

This topic only came out as it has been lingering in the back ground for too long. Too many people are pointing to me about it. The reason for me being analytical, or to put it subtly , wishy washy, are you my friends. You cultivated this habit in me, now its hardwired. Sorry nothing can be done about it. When questions are answered with questions, initiations met with silence and when communication is killed with no substantial reason.... Wishy washiness is nurtured.

To those who are reading in between the lines and to those who are determining the tone of my entry. Look at the mirror... You proved that you are no different than me. So why are you pointing at me as if i am a plague. Kinda funny ah....

The highlight of my week....

Its been a very weird week. Actually a tough one. Not physically though. Mentally and emotionally. But i guess the hug from Shan makes up for the shitty week. Thanks babe.

Paper....

Finally.
We are Teachers now.
Before, we were not.
We are doing the same thing now,
that we did before.
So,
are we Teachers or are we not?

Self-Explanatory...